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[01 Jun 2004|04:10pm] |
Damn, the party went down in the record books. Wild Bill and the G-Man came through and hooked me up with some good times. Apart from G putting shaving cream on his beard and trying to shave it off, sliding down the stairs, a second time so I could take a picture, punching me in the ass, and Billy throwing the untouched hackey sack that was still full at my ribs, playing hide and go seek in pitch dark, it was what a boys night out should be.
Kimmie, get your license and ride down here in your pimp mobile along with Nick and we could show Philly how real New Yorkers do it. For sure.
Said "Doc, what's the condition. I'm a man that's on a mission."
-Mike D.
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[28 May 2004|04:12pm] |
PARTY AT MY CRIB SATURDAY NIGHT!
If you want to party, hit me up @ 267-228-3007.
::edit:: Cancelled due to no one coming. I really don't have any friends.
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| Tubular! |
[18 May 2004|03:31pm] |
| Big Five Test Results | Extroversion (42%) moderately low which suggests you are quiet, unassertive, and aloof.
Friendliness (70%) high which suggests you are very good natured, trusting, and helpful but possibly too agreeable
Orderliness (72%) high which suggests you are very organized, reliable, neat, and ambitious but possibly not very spontaneous and fun.
Emotional Stability (30%) low which suggests you are very worrying, insecure, emotional, and nervous.
Openmindedness (68%) moderately high which suggests you are intellectual, curious, imaginative but possibly not very practical.
| Take Free Big Five Personality Testpersonality tests by similarminds.com
All's I got to say is:
May 19th, strike on gas. If you or anyone you know drives a car, buy your gas on the 18th. If no one buys gas for a whole day in the nation, the prices will go down, or so I've heard. Spread the word.
One!
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| Aww sheeit. |
[20 Apr 2004|03:42pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 thankful |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Journey - Seperate Ways |
] |
Skate and Surf Fest was bangin'. I definetly had a lot of fun. I didn't see some of the bands that I wanted to see, but I still had a fun time. Next year I am definetly going and seeing more bands, hopefully by then I will have a car.
On Friday I got picked up by Albert, Jess, Ryan, and Joe, and that was the start of our getaway. That day, we went to see Coheed and Cambria, The Starting Line, and Brand New. Coheed and Cambria was definetly the best band that day. The Starting Line put on a good show but I've never listened to their music. Brand New sounded pretty good but I didn;t watch them. I just sat outside with Ryan and Joe and listened to them.
On Saturday, we went to see Senses Fail to see them play their last song of the night: 187. If you ever watched my band practice, you would know that we covered that song. Then My CHemical Romance came on and they killed it. One of the best performances of the weekend, so I had no other choice but to cop one of their hoodies. We then saw Story Of The Year, and they had an awesome performance as well, even though I never heard their album. They sounded different live? Taking Back Sunday came on last, but they were bad. Me and Ryan just sat outside and listened to them suck. They were good the last time I saw them, but this time they put on a bad show. They played so many new songs, and I didn't know what was going on.
On Sunday, I really wanted to see Boys Night Out, but we got there right when they ended. The Bled played while we were standing in line and they tore it up. I had to go in, come out and get a bracelet, go back in, cut the bracelet off my arm with a razorblade, go back out, get a new bracelet, and tape the other bracelet on Joe's arm. What an easy way to sneak into Skate and Surf. We watched A Static Lullaby and they had the worst performance, not that it was their fault. Theuir mic's kept on going off and that cost them a good 20 minutes, which made the fans upset. People were playing Duck Duck Goose and I saw so many chicks diving head first just to catch someone. We watched Fall Out Boy and they were pretty good. Then we went back to the hotel. I wanted to see the Bouncing Souls, but we didn't make it. But guess what we did make, Yellowcard, yay! Their Nirvana cover was horrible.
And that was that.
Each night when we went back to the hotel, the boys had adventures in the hallways. Sliding around the tiled floors on the Mezzanine, doing tumbles and other sorts of crazy stuff, throwing glasses, cans, pillows, bottles, a sheet of glass, and whatever we could find off of our balcony. It was a fun time, and I can't wait to do it again. I just hope next time I don't stay in a very expensive hotel, a Best Western is fine with me.
It's my birthday, but it doesn't feel like it. I hate getting old. Later.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna do what everybody thinks I'm gonna do.
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| Spring Break F'n Rocks! |
[10 Apr 2004|02:55pm] |
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mood |
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] |
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music |
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Philly's Most Wanted - Cross The Border |
] |
When Forever Comes Falling finally came to an end. All because of Zach. He told his parents that the reason that the cops came to his house while they were in Jamaica was because we were practicing too loud. That's a bold faced lie. The reason that the cops came and locked up 8 people was because Zach was having a keg party. Duh.
The only thing that sucks about this band break-up is that we really sounded good. I know that people would listen to us. We had a song recorded and we were working on a second one. All that I want is a copy of the 2 songs that we did. If I get a chance, I would post them online because they are really good. Only one of them is finished though.
Now I can focus on practicing and getting better at bass. Because truthfully, I suck. I don't know how I got into the band, and stayed. I can just play when I'm bored, and not have to worry about band practice at all. Maybe I can slip in a few lessons from the man and the legend that is Ziggy Cash. He lives 2 blocks away from me but I haven't seen him in a few months. I'm also going to start something with Bill, it's an idea right now. But a Sublime cover band would be awesome! So here's to rocking out and tearing shit up by myself.
OH SHIT! Skate and Surf Fest is next weekend, baby! I DEF can't wait because it is definetly going to be one of the best moments in my life. It's like Woodstock, except you don't have to live in a tent. Me, Ryan, and Albert (the 3 surviving members of WFCF) and Albert's girlfriend are getting a hotel room for all 3 days and WOW. Just imagine how much fun it will be.
The bands I want to see:
Friday, April 16:
Piebald
Andrew WK
Coheed and Cambria
The Starting Line
Brand New
Funeral For A Friend
Silverstein
Saturday, April 17:
Underoath
Avenged Sevenfold
Against Me
Hazen St
Senses Fail
My Chemical Romance
Midtown
Story Of The Year
Taking Back Sunday
boysetsfire
Rufio
onelinedrawing
A Thorn For Every Heart
Autopilot Off
Sunday, April 18:
Boys Night Out
The Early November
MXPX
Less Than Jake
The Bouncing Souls
Yellowcard
A Static Lullaby
Fall Out Boy
Matchbook Romance
Sparta
The Bled
...and a whole lot more. Some bands I have never heard before, but I want to check them out. Even if I don't get to see all the bands that I want to, it won't matter because I'll be checking out bands that I've never heard and I'll be having fun. So what now.
Oh yeah. I got my suit today. All the ho's will be like:
Daamn, baby got back.
If I don't become prom king, I will be highly surprised. For real. I'll still be looking sexy like I always do. Just wait and see. Nah, I really don't care, but I guarantee you that I will be stylin' profilin', without a doubt. It's too bad that I can't go down to the shore afterwards, but my brother's communion is that same weekend. Hopefully I can just find a party to go to on prom night and I will be satisfied.
Dude I don't curr, I'm a P.I.M.P.
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| Good eyes, sniper. |
[21 Mar 2004|05:50pm] |
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mood |
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happy |
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music |
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Coheed & Cambria - A Favor House Atlantic |
] |
You know, I miss writing in here. It never crosses my mind to jot down things that have some importance. I guess this will be a once-in-every 3 months kind of journal, who knows.
Damn, yo. My band is forming pretty well. I brought in Albert and Ryan so they could fuck shit up. With that addition, we had to kick Chris out because it would be really hard to make up 3 really good, complicated guitar parts. So the current line-up is: Keith - Drums, Zach - Lead Guitar, Albert - Rhythm Guitar, Lukas - Bass, Ryan - Vocals. We have really good chemistry, except for Zach and Albert. They fight like a married couple. That alone is the best part of going to band practice.
Zach: You're so fucking corny, Al. All of you can take your shit home today.
5 minutes later, we're tearing shit up. When they're playing together, everything goes away. It's when we stop that they're at each other's throats. I've gotten better at bass since I started, AND I look good while doing it. We already have an acoustic song almost done. We just need to record Ryan's vocals over Al's. We also have an electric almost done, we just need to record the bass and vocals. So if we get those 2 songs completely done and mastered, we'll post it online somewhere. We have to get a few songs down in 2 weeks because guess what? When Forever Comes Falling is going to be playing at Zach's party on April 3rd, and we want to look good.
I got a new job at Acme, which is right out back of my house. The only thing that sucks is that they only give me 2 or 3 days a week. Which means I don't make that much money, so it all gets spent very quickly.
I don't have a love life at the moment. But I'll try to keep it that way because I really don't care if I have one. I don't need another thing to stress me out. Cuz I've got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one. I was hooking up with Chrissy, but I really didn't like her after she played me, so I had to stop that. I'll just wait til I find someone that I really connect with because I don't want to have the drama that always comes with being with the wrong person.
I've spent all my money on prom. The ticket and the limo is off the checklist. My dad is going to go with me to get a suit soon. I'm going with Chrissy, but I just want to go as a friend. I don't want anything to happen. I was also going to go to the shore after the prom with Gary and Norm, but George's communion is the next day, and my dad said I have to be here for that. So a nice after-party would be nice, I'll have to start asking about the parties.
Well, that's all for now.
When Forever Comes Falling will eat your heart out. Bet it.
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| If my life were a movie... |
[08 Feb 2004|08:22pm] |
Opening credits: Lucas - Lucas With The Lid Off
Waking up scene: Bouncing Souls - Argyle
Happy driving to school with best friend scene: Coheed and Cambria - Devil In Jersey City
Walking around house in underwear scene: Wild Cherry - Play That Funky Music White Boy
First date scene: The Ataris - Between You And Me
Driving at night with crush scene: The Used - Blue and Yellow
Hopelessly in love scene: Poison The Well - Nerdy
Post fight with friend scene: Thrice - All That's Left
Youthful flashback scene: Weezer - Say It Ain't So
Running around falling in love scene (day):The Darkness - I Believe In A Thing Called Love
Midnight rooftop dancing scene: Outkast - Hey Ya
Playing at the park in day scene: Sublime - Garden Grove
Driving with friends at night scene: Wu-Tang Clan - C.R.E.A.M.
Looking cool scene: Nas - Got Yourself a Gun
Falling in love scene (night): The Beatles - And I Love Her
Sweet make out scene: Alkaline Trio - Sorry About That
Hanging out with friends scene: Pennywise - Bro Hymn Tribute
Hectic searching beat-the-clock scene: AFI - Battled
Dance party scene: House of Pain - Jump Around
Sexy make out scene: Jimi Hendrix - Foxy Lady
Tripping on drugs scene: Violent Femmes - Blister In The Sun
Lying down after intense scene: Red Hot Chili Peppers - Can't Stop
Driving alone at night scene: Thursday - Standing On The Edge of Summer
Rain scene: Hidden In Plain View - 20 Below
Sex scene: The Roots - Seed 2.0
Early morning tranquil scene: 311 - Lose
Discovering being cheated on scene: Boy's Night Out - A Tarrid Love Affair
Heartbreak scene: Joy Division - Love Will Tear Us Apart
Walking alone reflecting scene: Kansas - Dust In The Wind
Perseverance scene: Hot Water Music - Driving Home
Summer day scene: Sublime - Bad Fish
Regretful flashback scene: Senses Fail - 187
Funeral scene: AFI - This Time Imperfect
Nostalgic scene: Thursday - Where The Circle Ends
Crying scene: Finch - Without You Here
Mental breakdown scene: Poison The Well - A Wish For Wings That Work
Bitter, angry scene: skycamefalling - The Nothing
Fight scene: Misfits - Dig Up Her Bones
Far from home scene: Counting Crows - A Long December
Driving into sunset scene: Notorious B.I.G. - Big Poppa
Closing credits: AFI - God Called In Sick Today
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| Stolen from Kimmie. |
[22 Jan 2004|09:20pm] |
What song, if any, reminds you of me?
(Put this in your journal, too. The answers might surprise you.)
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| Best of 2003 (Stolen from Kimmie) |
[31 Dec 2003|02:17am] |
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mood |
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 satisfied |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Bouncing Souls - Don't You Forget About Me |
] |
In 2003, did you...?
1. Go to a party? Yeah, Tim's little party while his parents were getting stoned in Jamaica.
2. Try something new? I started playing bass.
3. Have someone change your life? Anyone that comes into my life changes it in some way. The most significant person that put a lot of things in a new perspective for me was Natalie.
4. Kiss someone? Janine, Natalie, Valerie.
5. Tell your family and friends you love them? No..sometimes I wish I did, because I really do love them.
6. Buy something extravagant? My bass.
7. Do something nice for you? Trying to search for who I really am.
8. Do something terribly wrong? Oh yes. I wish I didn't have these scars..
9. Move? I am about to move into my basement in the near future when I have some free time.
10. Go to a concert? This year, let's count, since I save all of my ticket stubs. AFI, Anti-Flag, Warped Tour, Saves The Day/Taking Back Sunday. Damn..that's too few.
Best of the Year:
1. Party: Tim's party, I got really wasted and at the end of the night, I felt really good. Oh, and who can forget about the time a couple of us got drunk out back of school between 3rd and 5th period. That was a blast.
2. Show: Fairly Oddparents. Because it is really funny and I watch 5 minutes of it everyday before I go to school because George watches it every morning.
3. CD: I can name a couple. Boy's Night Out - Make Yourself Sick. Brand New - Deja Entendu. Outkast - The Love Below/Speakerboxxx. The Neptunes present Clones. Locious and Scholar (Rich Crawford, from school, and his cousin), this CD is amazing, he really has talent.
4. Movie: Finding Nemo. Pirates of the Carribean.
5. Song: Outkast - Hey Ya. One of the best that I have ever heard.
6. Experience: Late nights with Natalie in Florida.
7. Concert:I would say either AFI or Saves The Day/Taking Back Sunday. Saves The Day covered Outkast's "Hey Ya," and it was amazing. And at both shows I was chilling with Werm and Tubby.
8. Book:The Perks of Being A Wallflower. I'd thank Nick for pointing me in the direction of this book. It changed a few things in my mind. It's tme to read it again.
9. Month: July, the 2 weeks that we were in Florida. Those 2 weeks were amazing.
10. Day:April 19th, the day before my birthday. My parents were having an Easter dinner, and Nick's family was here. I was just so overwhelmed by everything and everyone. It was a surprise party and I didn't see it coming, at all. It made me feel really good because it showed me that certain people really do love me.
Worst of the Year:
1. Party: There is no such thing. I think I only went to one this year. And that was the best one.
2. Show: The New Tom Green Show was pretty bad. Nothing beats the original Tom Green.
3. CD: Can I say Evanescence? Each song I hear from them just puts them in the category of worst band ever.
4. Movie: The Hulk. It was made really good. But it just dragged on too long.
5. Song: Chingy - Right Thurr
6. Experience: Oh you know. The usual break up.
7. Concert: Warped Tour. I missed a lot of the bands that I wanted to see, and it was just a disaster for me. Come on, I came there with people, and I went home by myself.
8. Book: Ragtime.
9. Month: I'd say this month has been pretty bad.
10. Day: When people break up with you usually turn out to be pretty bad.
Hopes for 2004:
1. Predict something that you think will happen in 2004? People will start loving each other.
2. What do you hope changes about your country? That we focus more on the well-being of our own counrty, and imrpove our education, as well as poverty, instead of putting billions of dollars into the reconstruction of a country that we have no part in.
3. What do you hope for yourself? I hope I find true love.
4. What do you hope for your family? I hope my family becomes strong. I hope I don't cause them any more pain than I have already inflicted. I hope the communication between me and the rest of my family gets better.
5. What do you hope for your best friends? I hope they find true happiness. I hope they find better friends than me, because I don't think I do any good for anyone.
6. What do you hope for the rest of your friends? I hope they take care of themselves and do what's best for them. I hope we can become closer friends. No, scratch that. I am a pretty worthless person.
7. Do you think any amazing medical advances will be made? A cure for cancer, maybe?
8. What is your hope for 2004? I hope people start loving themselves a whole lot more. There is definetly too much hate in this world, I'd say.
During 2003:
1. Where were you when it began: In my living room, sipping champagne with my parents, my little brother..I think.
2. Did you stay up: I think I stayed up for a little bit, but I probably went to bed by 3 AM.
3. What was your New Year Wish? I don't think I had one.
how many girlfriends: 2: Janine and Valerie.
4. Broke up: I came out with 1-1+. Something like that. (Break up by me-Break up by someone else)
5. Care to mention names? Once again, Janine and Valerie.
6. New friends: Yes.
7. Name them: Kimmie, Natalie, Scott, Zach, Chris, Keith, Chrissy, Jess, Dan, Nick, Tina, Colleen, Crysta, Brian, Oscar, Hector, Matt. I know I missed a few, but that's all I can think of from the top of my head.
8. Worst place you went to: Mayfair Diner.
9. Happiest moment: The few times that I really felt loved.
10. How was your birthday: It was one of a kind. One of the happiest moments of my life. I explained it already.
11. Best present: Nick's AFI - Sing The Sorrow. Also, my dad's silver and gold watch.
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| Sunlight shining through my window lets me know that I'm still alive. |
[20 Dec 2003|04:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 sick |
] |
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music |
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Senses Fail - 187 |
] |
I've gotten sick in the past week, for reasons unknown. Maybe because my boss made me clean out the trash room in the pouring rain a week ago, where I developed a nice cough. Then by Thursday, I developed a cold and fever, and had to work yet again. And on Friday, the only time that I stayed home from school because my mom told me to and the only time I call out of work because I am sick and I can barely walk and have a fever and all that good stuff that makes me realize how much I deserve to feel like this, my boss tells me that I can't call out. He tells me that he is already short one person, and that person told me the day before that he was calling out because he doesn't like working Friday's. Working day preference is more important than someone who might have influenza. It made me realize that everyone in the world can go fuck themselves, over and over again.
Tomorrow I have band practice at Zach's house before I go to work, if I'm feeling better. Although I am feeling a little better since I permitted myself to surf the web for a little bit. My first attendance at practice was on Monday. And all I have to say is that it rocked. I enjoyed it greatly. When we were playing, it just felt so good. Maybe because it is my first band and I have always wanted to be in one. But we sound good. The band consists of Zach on lead guitar, Chris on rhythm guitar, Keith on drums, and me on bass. We are still in search of a vocalist. We already have a few songs. Once we do find a vocalist, I am going to invite everyone to come see us at practice, just to check us out because we would need feedback. We don't have a name yet, but we will think of one soon. And all I have to do is remember all the parts that I have to play. So tomorrow is practice, then on Monday we are going to Club HP to see Rekant and Fatal Days.
I wish I could move to New York into Nick's house and go to college there, if it was alright with his parents and my parents. I just need to fill out some applications before it's too late, think of a way to pay for college, and talk with my parents and Nick's parents about everything. I have become friends with Seniors that I never really talked to in the past 3 years. Soon, it will be all over. This is the greatest year in my high school experience. It just feels so great, and it would be too hard to explain because every person is affected differently by what goes on in their lives. Let me just say that I wouldn't have been the person that I am right now, if it weren't for everything that I've gone through, and I am very thankful for that.
Merry Christmas everyone. I hope the holidays bring everyone closer and bring happiness to everyone. Because that is all that the world needs. Happiness and love. I wish you all the best.
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| As soon as you'r fading, I will grow. |
[09 Nov 2003|11:36pm] |
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mood |
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 tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Millencolin - Penguins and Polar Bears |
] |
I know. I know. I haven't been the greatest journaler in the world. But what can I do about that. I just never had the time to sit down and write about anything anymore. It kind of makes me sad, that I can't even sit down and relax and just write about anything I want. I'm basically going to summarize many things so that everyone who reads this can be on top of recent news.
Let's begin.
I am single again. After a month with Valerie, I realized that we never hung out. We never spent time together. And when I realized that it wasn't going to work out between us, I had to break up with her. Not that I wanted to, but I had to because I didn't want our relationship to grow empty. And it broke my heart to do it because I knew I was breaking a fragile, young heart. I couldn't even tell her, I tried, but I couldn't find the words. She is so young and I hope I didn't ruin her life. That was the last thing I wanted to do to her. But I'm afraid that I did that to her. And words can't express how sorry I am, because anyone can say "I'm sorry." I learned that many times. I wish I didn't mess her up. I wish I never mess anyone up. I'd rather mess myself up more than anyone else around me. I always did. I have evidence.
I have been working at the Mayfair Diner for like almost 3 months now, and I still hate that job. I got to know some cool people there, but there are some assholes left. It's just 2 or 3 assholes, the rest of the people are cool. Now I work with Tim Wilent from school and I hate it. The kid is a genuine asshole, straight up. He can be cool sometimes, but overall, he acts like an asshole towards me so I don't like him. He acts exactly like this kid Dan that also works there. He reminds me of a bully because he thinks he's tough. I wish I could show him how it's done in Poland.
I am saving up $400 bills to get a bass this weekend from this kid Kid that I met a week ago at John's house. It's an Aria Pro 2 IGB-58 with a midnight blue finish. He is also selling me a Peavey Basic Amp which is 120 watts and a pocket tuner. All for $400 bills. I'd say that is a good deal. Now all I need to do is collect some owed money, and not spend any of my paychecks, and I'm set like a jet. The reason why I am getting a bass is because I suck at playing guitar. I've been playing for 5+ years and I absolutely suck. I want to try something new. And I will join my friend Zach's band. I met him at work. And I will also try to get Werm to sing for us. Because he is the sickest mofo around, ya' hear? I will also want to start a band with Scott because he just bought a new guitar, and we want to start our own band from the ground up, and not join an already existing band. We'll see how everything works out. Hopefully I won't suck at playing bass.
Today is November 9th, 2003. Last year, on the same day, a great event happened. But this year, it was killed by everything. I honestly don't know what went wrong. Today should've been spent with Tim, Gary, and Bill. But somehow that didn't happen. My excuse is that I had work. I don't know what everyone else's reason was. I'm hoping I get to spend time with those 3 people again sometime soon, because whenever I do, I have fun.
Well I am going to end this, and I bet you that you won't see another one of these entries in a long time, if at all. And I'm sorry, I don't think that anyone likes to read my boring entries anyway. So, til next time. Take care of yourselves, and each other. Be safe.
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| No longer feeling alone.. |
[27 Sep 2003|12:39pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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happy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Finch - Ender |
] |
Since I never have time anymore to update, I've decided to do it now, since I have some spare time. And now more than ever, I have a reason to update. Well just keep reading.
Well school has been shaping up to be very routine, same thing everyday. But I did finally meet someone. Her name is Valerie and she is great. I think she likes me just because I'm a Senior. Why else would someone like me? I have no clue. But it was funny how this all came together because I would've never guessed that she liked me, at all. But one time when I was walking up to get something to eat at McDonald's, she just started talking to me and telling me how hot I was, which I'm not. But a whole bunch of kids went to eat, like Jess, Frunzi, Brian, Hector, Steve "The Voice" Kaufmann, and other people. I only wanted to get a drink because I was running low on cash and while standing in line, she ripped a scab off of my knuckles that I got for always hitting a fence on my way home from work, and she started sucking my blood. But then I was just gushing blood so she got a napkin for me and I almost fainted because of loss of blood. Not really.
That night we talked online, and then last Friday we were supposed to go to the movies, but it was late so we decided to go to the show at Club HP. But on our way there, I finished my AFI collection. Now I own all of the AFI CDs. And you would never guess this, but her favorite band is AFI, too! Isn't that great? Totally! And we have both have the same favorite song, The Last Kiss. I don't know about you, but I think that all these things are really great. So we walked to Club HP from her house and I didn't know that anyone I knew was going to be there. But by the end of the night, I met Weazel, Michelle, Jim, Brandon, Gary, Scott, Nicole (I finally got to meet the great Nicole), Chris Webber, and Bob and Megan from work. I'm hoping I didn't forget anyone. But the show was great, I had a lot of fun. Nothing To Lose and Rekant were really good. During Rekant's pit, I got punched in the face by Bob and I bent my wrist too far back. After that, I had enough of the pit. So now I finally know what I have been missing everytime someone told me to come to a Rekant show at Club HP. Already running late to be home, I walked Valerie home with Weazel. So I asked her out right before she went in because she is just that great and I put my heart in her hands and gave her my complete trust not to poke any holes in it. Because, after all, it has just been filled again, after being so empty for so long. And then I walked home with Weazel, both of us sporting AFI shirts, and it felt good not carrying my heart around anymore, because it was finally in the hands of someone I longed for.
And that date shall be remembered forever. September 19th, 2003, the day the world came together to realize that love does exist, even after everything has been torn apart and destroyed. Even after a man thought that he would never be able to love again. Even after he felt the let-down of everything around him, sucking out all of his will and happiness. Because when all is said and done, do you think you will be able to feel just like him, happy and loved, and finally complete.
All I can say is that good things come with time. And from my experience, the time you have to wait to get there is just so cruel, and you think and do stupid, stupid things because you think the sun will never shine down on you. But it does. And when it does, the feeling is just so overwhelming that nothing else matters except those things that made you happy in life, like friends, family, and love. And I am grateful that I feel this way again. I am hoping that this feeling can last. And it all depends on the person in possession of my heart, because everything and everyone else never cared. And you know that is the truth.
Grasp our hands together,
We feel we are one result.
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| Do you want to feel what I feel? |
[19 Sep 2003|12:15am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 depressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Joy Division - Love Will Tear Us Apart |
] |
when the routine bites hard
and ambitions are low
and the resentment rides high
but emotions won't grow
and we're changing our ways
taking different roads
then love, love will tear us apart again
love, love will tear us apart again
why is the bedroom so cold
turned away on your side
is my timing that flawed
our respect run so dry
yet there's still this appeal
that we've kept through our lives
love, love will tear us apart again
love, love will tear us apart again
do you cry out in your sleep
all my failings expose
get a taste in my mouth
as desperation takes hold
is it something so good
just can't function no more
when love, love will tear us apart again
love, love will tear us apart again
love, love will tear us apart again
love, love will tear us apart again
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| School and all that jazz. |
[10 Sep 2003|06:40pm] |
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Defiance of Authority - No Tomorrow |
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I just don't feel right today. But what can you do.
School started on Monday and it is pretty cool. It's finally my Senior year and it feels good. It kind of makes me sad though because it is almost over. High school has been fun. Really. I know that I will miss it when it is gone. But it would be better if people actually liked me there. In fact, I was standing outside today and I wasn't in any group of friends like everyone else was. I was just alone. I really sadden myself at times. I really do.
My classes are alright. Social Science with Mr. Rubin is always fun. He makes the greatest jokes because in reality, he is just that damn gangster. I sit near Dan Livezey and Norman Keller which is cool because I have someone to talk to. Pre Calculus is ok. I know that I will be hustling later on in the year because of the work. AP Macroeconomics is really nothing for now. We just do whatever because the class starts on Monday. And it will be hard because it is an AP class, it is online, but I will have to type up reports and send it to the online teacher. Computer Systems class didn't start either because I have no clue why. But now we have a complete gangster group, made up of me, Gary, and Daniel Jackson. But the only real gangsters are Dan and Gary because of his thugged out Guess Jeans and his Nike Airrrr Forrrrce Onnes.
Why am I even writing about school. No one wants to read about school. I know I don't want to read other people's bullshit about school and such. So shut the fuck up Lukas you motherfucking lame-ass gay loser. You deserve to die, you worthless piece of shit. No one cares for you. So just end your misery. Fag.
Fine.
My arm started hurting yesterday out of nowhere. I was sitting in class and I was stretching my arms and I felt a pain in my shoulder. So now, everytime I move my arm, my shoulder hurts as if my bones are tearing into each other. I don't even know why I'm having this pain. Oh well.
I always thought I had friends. Now I wish I was dead. What the fuck happened. You think everything is alright. Well fuck you for thinking so.
I need someone. Anyone. To get my mind straight. Fuck this I hate being alone shit. I'm getting tired of it. Too bad I can't do anything about it. Peace.
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| Believe me when I say that I love you, angel. Because I do. |
[02 Sep 2003|02:36pm] |
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mood |
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Boy's Night Out - The First Time It Shouldn't Taste Like Blood |
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I got my roster a few days ago, which signifies the back to school emotion that we all feel. So here is my schedule:
Term 1
1/2 Social Science
3/4 Pre Calculus
5/6 AP Macroeconomics
7 Lunch
8/9 Computer Systems 3
Term 2
1/2 Environmental Science
3/4 English 4
5/6 AP Macroeconomics
7 Lunch
8/9 Computer Systems 3
Fun.? But the pressure will be on because they are all academic classes and with it comes computer class with Grosso AND an AP class.? Plus the Senior project and comunity service.? And work.? Last year was kind of hard for me, so I'm thinking this will be harder.? I'll just have to see. Pray for me, my friends.
But the only good part to this year is that I'm a senior and me and my compadres will be running the school. Yes, we can act tough and act like we're all that because, in fact, we finally are. Especially me and Norman, we will be running 7th lunch like it's nobody's business. We are the 2002 Anthony Hainsworth and Brandon Schlesinger. We are the 2003 Gary Vickery and Nicholas McCorry. We are the 2000 Minh Truong and Joe Hayes. You got beef?
Just so everyone is kept out of the dark, the 3 groups of people that I named are tough. In their own ways. Anthony Hainsworth AKA Tony Tough and Brandon Schlesinger thought that they were cool intimidating me and Gary by doing acrobatics and jumping over lunch tables, as well as the excessive jiggling of their fatness, which mesmerized anyone who came into contact with the phenomenon.
Gary Vickery always stood up to Tony Tough. I never did, but he was always up for making fun of him. He even perfected the art of doing acrobatics and jumping over tables. He always was up for making fun of anything. Nick McCorry, need I explain more? The toughest S.O.B. ever.
Minh Truong is by far the craziest Asian person I have ever met. I haven't hung out with him in a long time. He usually comes over my house during the summer, but I haven't even talked to him this summer. He was always tough. He always tried hooking me up with some hot girls that he knows from school, but it never works. For example: Nicole. And last, Joe Hayes. This kid is Gary's counterpart. I remember when he broke mine and Gary's necks by doing a piledriver on both of us. Now he is banned from most Philadelphia public schools. Go figure.
School starts on Monday, 8th of September, and I can only hope that it is fun. I want this year to be so much fun. I don't want to be moping around. I want to be happy. I hope the things that I do in the next few months make me happy. I think I will enjoy life a lot better if I was happy. I wish. I hope. Maybe if I wasn't alone. Because I don't like being alone, I always am. Oh well, things happen for a reason. Peace out friends. Only if you cared..
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| My work at the 5th Column has paid off. |
[29 Aug 2003|04:45pm] |
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CKY - Flesh Into Gear |
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So yesterday morning, I wake up early thinking that I have an appointment at Vogue Photography to take my Senior pictures (Cap and Gown, Tux, and all that good stuff), but it turned out that the 29th of August is in fact toay, and not yesterday. So I had to wake up early 2 days in a row because it was my mistake. Darn. I always get dates confused.
Yesterday I got my first paycheck. Before I did that, I stopped by at Edd's house and talked to him for a little bit and chained my bike up in front of his house. I got around 80 dollars. And as soon as I got it, I went to Pat's Music and bought a CD. I am still on my quest to complete my AFI CD collection. Right now I am 4/8. And my selection of the day was The Art of Drowning. Excellent album.
Later on in the day, I went to meet Vanessa up at Blockbuster at Roosevelt Mall because she got a job there. I'm hoping so much that I can work there. I want to work there so bad. Anyway, we went to Strawbridge's and we sat on couches for like an hour and talked. Then Vanessa bought a book at Marlo Books. I will probably buy some books when I have more money. Then we left the mall and I went home.
In other AFI news, AFI won the MTV2 Award at the VMA's. How cool is that? Very cool. I know it's MTV and all, but I'm happy for them because they are actually making it big. I voted for them online like 10 times, so my votes counted! And I honestly don't think they sold out. They just got popular enough for the masses that MTV recognized them, finally. And the first person they thanked was Luke! Maybe they really did thank me for my support and love. I wish. They also thanked the Despair Faction (which I will join when I have some extra cash) and the 5th Column, which I am in. Woo!
Now is the time for my thoughts on selling out. And for this, I could use AFI, but I will use Rancid as an example. Bands never sell out. Sometimes bands are so good that they achieve popularity by themselves. Their audience keeps growing. Record Labels recognize their fame amongst the crowds. And honestly, I think everyone would want to make more money by doing what they love, regardless if you "sell out" by joining a different record label. I'm sure any one of you would join a better record label regardless if it is going to ruin your indie/punk/hardcore reputation. I know I would. And a band doesn' just have one member, it has as many as it wants. So each member has a different opinion on subjects like popular recording labels, and they have a say in what goes on. So it's not like one person decides for the whole band, everyone has a choice. That's why Rancid is still a good band, because a record label doesn't change anything. They are still rockin' and sockin' all of your jaws.
And as far as the changing sound of a band goes, of course a band is going to sound different, why would they want to sound the same on every album? A band is usually made up of 4 basic members: vocals, guitars, bass, drums. It could be more, it could be less, there could be many more different instruments. Well, regardless of anything. A band's music will always change because each person in the band has a different style, each instrument is a different element. They have to put the elements together. And there is no way of determining if a song will be "selling out" because it's not any band members fault. They are just creating sound that is put together and made into a song. You try being a good musician that makes such good music that many people actually love your sound, and then think about what selling out is. Because really, there is no such thing. There is only the listener's opinion. You know what I'm saying?
Sometimes I wish I could explain myself better so people can actually understand what I'm trying to say, because I don't even understand what I wrote. But then again, I am wrong in some cases, and I know that. And after all, this is just my opinion. And opinions also form the standards of selling out. So in the end, we are all wrong. And we will always be wrong. That's the truth.
Well I sure had enough of today's share of online journaling and I think I should stop before I hurt myself attemting more. So, in the words of the late and great Edd Cleary. I'm out like a deaf kid in musical chairs.
THE BEST SITCOM. EVER.
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| I'm sorry. |
[25 Aug 2003|12:18am] |
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Nothing, my brother is sleeping. |
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I'm sorry for what I last wrote. I'm an asshole that tries getting attention. Just please ignore anything that I say that sounds and looks like I'm trying to get attention, because that's what I want. So I'm sorry for what I wrote. I really do hope everyone is having a good time. I'm happy about that. Just as long as everyone is happy, I'll be happy for you.
I saw Edd Cleary on my way back from work today. I haven't seen him in like a year. So it was cool. I bought water ice for me and him. I got Tangerine and he got Green Apple, but it ran out at the end so he got Mango on Top. Mmm. When we were leaving Alex Tsafos and Mike Hearn from school ran into us. I have met many people since I've been working at Mayfair Diner and walking up and down Frankford Ave. I would tell you about my encounter last week, but maybe another day.
I can actually buy random stuff like water ice and such now since I have some money. I got paid for working 2 hours last Saturday, so I made 9 dollars. And 4 went down the drain for water ice. But I still feel like I own everything with my excessive 9 dollars. I'm working part time, 20 hours a week. So I will be making little money, but yet again, it is some money.
Well, good night. I'm off to take a shower then going to get some sleep because I'm tired. And my brother is already sleeping and I don't want to be an asshole by waking him up. So once again, I'm sorry for being an asshole to eveyone. I wish everyone the best. Good night. Sweet dreams. =].
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| The Chronicles of a Thug. |
[20 Aug 2003|02:40pm] |
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311 - Reconsider Everything |
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You know, this summer is so lifeless compared to my other summers. I mean I did do some fun stuff, like go to Florida and Warped Tour. But there is nothing else. Last summer I had a lot of fun. I was not alone the whole time. Just for like half of the summer. But this summer is a whole different story. Why the fuck would you care anyway. No amount of bitching and whining will bring me love. None. So forget about it.
And there is nothing else for me. I go and hang out at Allen Yard every now and then. But I don't have any true friends there. I mean, I have friends there. But none of them ever knew what is going on inside my mind. Ever. They don't give a shit. They never would. I enjoy hanging out with some of the people that chill there. But what can you do when all they do is drugs and alcohol. I don't want that. In fact, I have attempted this before many times, and I will attempt it many times til the end of my life. But I think I'm going to stop doing the pot for a while.
Of course, this won't last forever. I know that I will smoke every once in a while when there is a meaning to it. Like an old friend or someone that I haven't seen in a while that wants to enjoy a good high with me. Like when good friends of mine join together and start hanging out together every single fucking day, then I will smoke to symbolize a toast to friendship. But until that one day comes, I guess I am going to have to deal with my mind alone.
It's not for anyone. Not for any thing. I just want to do it for myself. Fuck, not even myself. I hate myself more than anything in the world and anything beyond. I would keep on doing it if it was for myself. I just don't want anyone to judge me on my use of marijuana. I want people to judge me by who I am. That's all.
Anyway, I finally got a job. It sucks so much, but at least it's a job. I work at the Mayfair Diner as a busboy. I make minimum wage and I have a lot of work to do. Like, I have to gather the dish boxes and distribute plates and glasses and silverware to their designated places, and wash silverware and plates and glasses (all of which are done by machines, I just have to put them in), and I take care of trash and I have to sweep and clean table bases at the end of each night, and sometimes I will have to do an order sheet and I will have to gather supplies and put them where they belong, which I don't know yet. I'm sure I forgot about some things, but who cares. It might seem like nothing, but I am moving around most of the time. I can't just sit and rest for 5 minutes, I have to keep moving and do those things that I listed above.
And if that isn't bad enough, I work with a bunch of gangsters. And since my hair is blonde right now, they have nothing better to do except call me Eminem and Slim Shady. But I just laugh and smile. Hey, what a coincidence, I do that with everything that happens to me. Haven't you noticed? =]. So yeah, my name is, Pika Pika, Slim Shady. And they also think that I'm Australian for some reason. I'm never telling them that I'm Polish. I have only met 2 non-gangsters at my work, Kev and Ryan. But it's not that bad since I am only going to work 20 hours a week. If anyone decides to come see me, you probably won't see me because I work mostly in the back. I might pop out here and there but don't count on it. Not like anyone is going to see me anyway.
No, I am not trying to look like Eminem. I am just trying to look like Nick Hexum. I just thought that people would find me attractive for once in my life. We all know nothing will work for me to help me with that, but I can still look like Eminem, can't I?
I hope everyone is having the time of their lives. Because I'm not. I hope you fucking choke on it. I wish you the worst. Why should I give a fuck about anyone when no one gives a fuck about me.
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| It's a joke to have some fun, nothing meant by it. |
[17 Aug 2003|02:12am] |
Hello, my fellow LJ-addicts. I have decided that I will use this journal for a different purpose for now. You can catch the stories of my life over at my DEADJOURNAL. REPRESENT!.
You gotta represent Deadjournal, yo. Sure, there is a generation of LJ'ers that jumped on the boat right away. The "Early-Adopters." That generation is mixed a little with the generation that got their Livejournals for free without a code. The "Free-Users." The "Free Users" generation is also mixed with my generation. The generation of people who followed the trend of online journaling, but were too late to get themselves an LJ account without a code or paying for it, so they got a DEADJOURNAL. And this generation begged their way cooler friends with LJ accounts for an LJ code. And these Moochers (the generation term for people who had a Deadjournal, but begged their cooler friends for an LJ code, i.e. Hippies.) took their place in the LJ ranks as "Free Users."
What I'm really trying to say, is that I can't break away from my roots, I gotta keep it real with Deadjournal, and show mad <3. So if you really care about me and my begging for attention, come right here~~~>AWW SHEEIT!.
But for now, this is the journal..
Of..
BizarroNick.
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| Details from Warped Tour 2003. |
[09 Aug 2003|10:36pm] |
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Mad Caddies - Road Rash |
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So I finally have something to make an update about. Read if you like. Sorry, I like describing eventful days.
I went to the Warped Tour yesterday at the Tweeter Center in New Jersey. I was going to leave my house at 10 and be on my way right away. The previous night, Michelle called me and said she was going, so in the morning, I left my house at 9:45 to walk to her house. When I got there, me, Vanessa, and Al from Swenson waited while Michelle got ready. Then we walked to Vanessa's house so she could get ready. Being the loser that I am that fucks everything up, when I was sitting down on the sofa, my knee hit the table right in front of me, and a glass bowl full of rocks and a candle shattered on the floor. I felt so bad because I didn't even mean it. It was sitting on the edge of the table. So I cleaned up all the rocks and put them in a cup and cleaned up all the glass to the best of my abiliies. We left and caught the 56 bus to the Erie-Torresdale Terminal. We got on the El and we hit up a poster. Hit up as in tag up with our white skills. Al drew an emo girl crying, how emo of him. I stole Michelle's shades because they were so cool and they made me look like a rockstar. They were purple and had a heart made of diamonds in the bottom-left corner. Stylin' profilin'.
We got off at the 2nd street stop and had to walk to South Street so Vanessa could pick up her check from Blockbuster. Then she cashed it and we were on our way to fucking Warped Tour. The line for the ferry was extra long and it took us about and hour or 2 to get on the ferry. But waiting was pretty entertaining since Al was acting like a jackass and a few other people showed up. The only people that I knew were Ick and Robyn, but some other people came at different times, but I didn't know them. The ferry ride was pretty fast. And the walk towards the Tweeter Center was so spiritually powerful as we all felt the triumph of finally getting across the river. No lies. Maybe it was just me being so fucking disappointed that I FUCKING MISSED THE FUCKING DROPKICK MURPHYS!
So when I stepped into the Tweeter Center, I met a lot of people that I haven't seen in a while. Like Werm, Tubby, Louis, Pini, Rex, Greg (Ick's cousin). It was around 2 and I already missed Poison The Well and Dropkick Murphys. 2 bands that I really wanted to see, especially DKM since I've always wanted to see them. I saw PTW before though. We got to the main stages and saw the end of The Ataris. Then Taking Back Sunday brought down the house. They played a mix of their old and new songs, which I never heard the old songs. But they were good. Me and Vanessa went to look for Michelle and found her 10 minutes later. We went to see Rancid. I always wanted to see them, too. They played some good songs. But we didn't stay for long. The sound was horrible since the bass was really loud and it drowned everything else out. We walked around and sat down while listening to some horrible hardcore band. Then we went to find Al. I saw Me First and the Gimmie Gimmies for a short period of time. Then me and Michelle decided to walk around. I ran into Nicole and Jess from Swenson, and then this girl that I knew from Franklin Mills. We then went around to all the shops and we walked into the hip-hop tent. And would you believe it, it was the same chick that I saw the year before in New York. I didn't know her name last year, but this time they had a board with all the emcee's and the times that they would rock the joint.
Taken from my journal entry about Warped Tour last year:
"then i saw this girl on one of the side stages rapping...forgot her name..."
Her name is Addverse. I am a thug. Fuck what you think.
We went to the Yoo-hoo stand and I got 3 cups of the heavenly substance. We walked around some more. Then I left Michelle with some friends that I didn't know and I went to see Pennywise. They were good. I met Nicole and Jess in the lobby and I just sat with them. It was nice hanging out with them because I always used to talk to Nicole online and I never talked to Jess until now. I like Jess. Nicole used to be there for me whenever I needed to talk. Now I only have a person or 2 to talk to. I am thankful for that, but I wish we still talked. Sorry for acting like an ignorant asshole around you, you are one of the people that I can't show who I really am. Don't hate me, because I'm not a happy person. I only try to show you that I am.
We went to see Simple Plan. ::GAG::. I'm just playing. Then they left and got a ride home. I wandered by myself and stood in one spot in the back during the Mad Caddies. They were really awesome. During their set, the people that were gathered at the next stage started throwing empty bottles in the air. They just kept on throwing the bottles and there was never a time where there were no bottles in the air. It was spectacular, for me. I just got a really good vibe from that. The continuous thrown bottles in the air represented unity and peace to me. People were having fun. Doing whatever. People were together. Sorry for being such a dork.
I proceeded to leave after the Mad Caddies set. I have to give them the title of set of the night. I enjoyed their set more than any other band. I have only heard one song by them before. I wish I felt consumed in the same feeling that I felt during their set right now. So as I left, I declined seeing GlassJAw. I just wanted to go home. I was traveling home alone. I wanted to meet Nicole, who I have been talking to online for a while, but with my luck, it will be eternity til I meet her. What else is new. Nothing else needs to be described.
What a fun day. Sometimes I wonder why everything that I do is alone. I hate being alone.
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bloodymonkey's journal