The Chronicles of a Thug

bloodymonkey @ 2004-06-01T16:10:00

2004-06-01T20:59:49Z

Damn, the party went down in the record books. Wild Bill and the G-Man came through and hooked me up with some good times. Apart from G putting shaving cream on his beard and trying to shave it off, sliding down the stairs, a second time so I could take a picture, punching me in the ass, and Billy throwing the untouched hackey sack that was still full at my ribs, playing hide and go seek in pitch dark, it was what a boys night out should be.

Kimmie, get your license and ride down here in your pimp mobile along with Nick and we could show Philly how real New Yorkers do it. For sure.

Said "Doc, what's the condition. I'm a man that's on a mission."
-Mike D.

bloodymonkey @ 2004-05-28T16:12:00

2004-05-28T20:50:28Z

PARTY AT MY CRIB SATURDAY NIGHT!

If you want to party, hit me up @ 267-228-3007.

::edit:: Cancelled due to no one coming. I really don't have any friends.

Tubular!

2004-05-18T19:34:52Z

Big Five Test Results

Extroversion (42%) moderately low which suggests you are quiet, unassertive, and aloof.
Friendliness (70%) high which suggests you are very good natured, trusting, and helpful but possibly too agreeable
Orderliness (72%) high which suggests you are very organized, reliable, neat, and ambitious but possibly not very spontaneous and fun.
Emotional Stability (30%) low which suggests you are very worrying, insecure, emotional, and nervous.
Openmindedness (68%) moderately high which suggests you are intellectual, curious, imaginative but possibly not very practical.

Take Free Big Five Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

All's I got to say is:

May 19th, strike on gas. If you or anyone you know drives a car, buy your gas on the 18th. If no one buys gas for a whole day in the nation, the prices will go down, or so I've heard. Spread the word.

One!

Aww sheeit.

2004-04-20T19:43:48Z

Skate and Surf Fest was bangin'. I definetly had a lot of fun. I didn't see some of the bands that I wanted to see, but I still had a fun time. Next year I am definetly going and seeing more bands, hopefully by then I will have a car.

On Friday I got picked up by Albert, Jess, Ryan, and Joe, and that was the start of our getaway. That day, we went to see Coheed and Cambria, The Starting Line, and Brand New. Coheed and Cambria was definetly the best band that day. The Starting Line put on a good show but I've never listened to their music. Brand New sounded pretty good but I didn;t watch them. I just sat outside with Ryan and Joe and listened to them.

On Saturday, we went to see Senses Fail to see them play their last song of the night: 187. If you ever watched my band practice, you would know that we covered that song. Then My CHemical Romance came on and they killed it. One of the best performances of the weekend, so I had no other choice but to cop one of their hoodies. We then saw Story Of The Year, and they had an awesome performance as well, even though I never heard their album. They sounded different live? Taking Back Sunday came on last, but they were bad. Me and Ryan just sat outside and listened to them suck. They were good the last time I saw them, but this time they put on a bad show. They played so many new songs, and I didn't know what was going on.

On Sunday, I really wanted to see Boys Night Out, but we got there right when they ended. The Bled played while we were standing in line and they tore it up. I had to go in, come out and get a bracelet, go back in, cut the bracelet off my arm with a razorblade, go back out, get a new bracelet, and tape the other bracelet on Joe's arm. What an easy way to sneak into Skate and Surf. We watched A Static Lullaby and they had the worst performance, not that it was their fault. Theuir mic's kept on going off and that cost them a good 20 minutes, which made the fans upset. People were playing Duck Duck Goose and I saw so many chicks diving head first just to catch someone. We watched Fall Out Boy and they were pretty good. Then we went back to the hotel. I wanted to see the Bouncing Souls, but we didn't make it. But guess what we did make, Yellowcard, yay! Their Nirvana cover was horrible.

And that was that.

Each night when we went back to the hotel, the boys had adventures in the hallways. Sliding around the tiled floors on the Mezzanine, doing tumbles and other sorts of crazy stuff, throwing glasses, cans, pillows, bottles, a sheet of glass, and whatever we could find off of our balcony. It was a fun time, and I can't wait to do it again. I just hope next time I don't stay in a very expensive hotel, a Best Western is fine with me.

It's my birthday, but it doesn't feel like it. I hate getting old. Later.

Don't worry, I'm not gonna do what everybody thinks I'm gonna do.

Spring Break F'n Rocks!

2004-04-10T18:56:25Z

When Forever Comes Falling finally came to an end. All because of Zach. He told his parents that the reason that the cops came to his house while they were in Jamaica was because we were practicing too loud. That's a bold faced lie. The reason that the cops came and locked up 8 people was because Zach was having a keg party. Duh.

The only thing that sucks about this band break-up is that we really sounded good. I know that people would listen to us. We had a song recorded and we were working on a second one. All that I want is a copy of the 2 songs that we did. If I get a chance, I would post them online because they are really good. Only one of them is finished though.

Now I can focus on practicing and getting better at bass. Because truthfully, I suck. I don't know how I got into the band, and stayed. I can just play when I'm bored, and not have to worry about band practice at all. Maybe I can slip in a few lessons from the man and the legend that is Ziggy Cash. He lives 2 blocks away from me but I haven't seen him in a few months. I'm also going to start something with Bill, it's an idea right now. But a Sublime cover band would be awesome! So here's to rocking out and tearing shit up by myself.

OH SHIT! Skate and Surf Fest is next weekend, baby! I DEF can't wait because it is definetly going to be one of the best moments in my life. It's like Woodstock, except you don't have to live in a tent. Me, Ryan, and Albert (the 3 surviving members of WFCF) and Albert's girlfriend are getting a hotel room for all 3 days and WOW. Just imagine how much fun it will be.

The bands I want to see:

Friday, April 16:
Piebald
Andrew WK
Coheed and Cambria
The Starting Line
Brand New
Funeral For A Friend
Silverstein

Saturday, April 17:
Underoath
Avenged Sevenfold
Against Me
Hazen St
Senses Fail
My Chemical Romance
Midtown
Story Of The Year
Taking Back Sunday
boysetsfire
Rufio
onelinedrawing
A Thorn For Every Heart
Autopilot Off

Sunday, April 18:
Boys Night Out
The Early November
MXPX
Less Than Jake
The Bouncing Souls
Yellowcard
A Static Lullaby
Fall Out Boy
Matchbook Romance
Sparta
The Bled

...and a whole lot more. Some bands I have never heard before, but I want to check them out. Even if I don't get to see all the bands that I want to, it won't matter because I'll be checking out bands that I've never heard and I'll be having fun. So what now.

Oh yeah. I got my suit today. All the ho's will be like:

Daamn, baby got back.

If I don't become prom king, I will be highly surprised. For real. I'll still be looking sexy like I always do. Just wait and see. Nah, I really don't care, but I guarantee you that I will be stylin' profilin', without a doubt. It's too bad that I can't go down to the shore afterwards, but my brother's communion is that same weekend. Hopefully I can just find a party to go to on prom night and I will be satisfied.

Dude I don't curr, I'm a P.I.M.P.

Good eyes, sniper.

2004-03-21T22:53:07Z

You know, I miss writing in here. It never crosses my mind to jot down things that have some importance. I guess this will be a once-in-every 3 months kind of journal, who knows.

Damn, yo. My band is forming pretty well. I brought in Albert and Ryan so they could fuck shit up. With that addition, we had to kick Chris out because it would be really hard to make up 3 really good, complicated guitar parts. So the current line-up is: Keith - Drums, Zach - Lead Guitar, Albert - Rhythm Guitar, Lukas - Bass, Ryan - Vocals. We have really good chemistry, except for Zach and Albert. They fight like a married couple. That alone is the best part of going to band practice.

Zach: You're so fucking corny, Al. All of you can take your shit home today.

5 minutes later, we're tearing shit up. When they're playing together, everything goes away. It's when we stop that they're at each other's throats. I've gotten better at bass since I started, AND I look good while doing it. We already have an acoustic song almost done. We just need to record Ryan's vocals over Al's. We also have an electric almost done, we just need to record the bass and vocals. So if we get those 2 songs completely done and mastered, we'll post it online somewhere. We have to get a few songs down in 2 weeks because guess what? When Forever Comes Falling is going to be playing at Zach's party on April 3rd, and we want to look good.

I got a new job at Acme, which is right out back of my house. The only thing that sucks is that they only give me 2 or 3 days a week. Which means I don't make that much money, so it all gets spent very quickly.

I don't have a love life at the moment. But I'll try to keep it that way because I really don't care if I have one. I don't need another thing to stress me out. Cuz I've got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one. I was hooking up with Chrissy, but I really didn't like her after she played me, so I had to stop that. I'll just wait til I find someone that I really connect with because I don't want to have the drama that always comes with being with the wrong person.

I've spent all my money on prom. The ticket and the limo is off the checklist. My dad is going to go with me to get a suit soon. I'm going with Chrissy, but I just want to go as a friend. I don't want anything to happen. I was also going to go to the shore after the prom with Gary and Norm, but George's communion is the next day, and my dad said I have to be here for that. So a nice after-party would be nice, I'll have to start asking about the parties.

Well, that's all for now.

When Forever Comes Falling will eat your heart out. Bet it.

If my life were a movie...

2004-02-09T01:27:53Z

Opening credits: Lucas - Lucas With The Lid Off

Waking up scene: Bouncing Souls - Argyle

Happy driving to school with best friend scene: Coheed and Cambria - Devil In Jersey City

Walking around house in underwear scene: Wild Cherry - Play That Funky Music White Boy

First date scene: The Ataris - Between You And Me

Driving at night with crush scene: The Used - Blue and Yellow

Hopelessly in love scene: Poison The Well - Nerdy

Post fight with friend scene: Thrice - All That's Left

Youthful flashback scene: Weezer - Say It Ain't So

Running around falling in love scene (day):The Darkness - I Believe In A Thing Called Love

Midnight rooftop dancing scene: Outkast - Hey Ya

Playing at the park in day scene: Sublime - Garden Grove

Driving with friends at night scene: Wu-Tang Clan - C.R.E.A.M.

Looking cool scene: Nas - Got Yourself a Gun

Falling in love scene (night): The Beatles - And I Love Her

Sweet make out scene: Alkaline Trio - Sorry About That

Hanging out with friends scene: Pennywise - Bro Hymn Tribute

Hectic searching beat-the-clock scene: AFI - Battled

Dance party scene: House of Pain - Jump Around

Sexy make out scene: Jimi Hendrix - Foxy Lady

Tripping on drugs scene: Violent Femmes - Blister In The Sun

Lying down after intense scene: Red Hot Chili Peppers - Can't Stop

Driving alone at night scene: Thursday - Standing On The Edge of Summer

Rain scene: Hidden In Plain View - 20 Below

Sex scene: The Roots - Seed 2.0

Early morning tranquil scene: 311 - Lose

Discovering being cheated on scene: Boy's Night Out - A Tarrid Love Affair

Heartbreak scene: Joy Division - Love Will Tear Us Apart

Walking alone reflecting scene: Kansas - Dust In The Wind

Perseverance scene: Hot Water Music - Driving Home

Summer day scene: Sublime - Bad Fish

Regretful flashback scene: Senses Fail - 187

Funeral scene: AFI - This Time Imperfect

Nostalgic scene: Thursday - Where The Circle Ends

Crying scene: Finch - Without You Here

Mental breakdown scene: Poison The Well - A Wish For Wings That Work

Bitter, angry scene: skycamefalling - The Nothing

Fight scene: Misfits - Dig Up Her Bones

Far from home scene: Counting Crows - A Long December

Driving into sunset scene: Notorious B.I.G. - Big Poppa

Closing credits: AFI - God Called In Sick Today

Stolen from Kimmie.

2004-01-23T02:25:16Z

What song, if any, reminds you of me?
(Put this in your journal, too. The answers might surprise you.)

Best of 2003 (Stolen from Kimmie)

2003-12-31T07:20:46Z

In 2003, did you...?

1. Go to a party? Yeah, Tim's little party while his parents were getting stoned in Jamaica.
2. Try something new? I started playing bass.
3. Have someone change your life? Anyone that comes into my life changes it in some way. The most significant person that put a lot of things in a new perspective for me was Natalie.
4. Kiss someone? Janine, Natalie, Valerie.
5. Tell your family and friends you love them? No..sometimes I wish I did, because I really do love them.
6. Buy something extravagant? My bass.
7. Do something nice for you? Trying to search for who I really am.
8. Do something terribly wrong? Oh yes. I wish I didn't have these scars..
9. Move? I am about to move into my basement in the near future when I have some free time.
10. Go to a concert? This year, let's count, since I save all of my ticket stubs. AFI, Anti-Flag, Warped Tour, Saves The Day/Taking Back Sunday. Damn..that's too few.

Best of the Year:
1. Party: Tim's party, I got really wasted and at the end of the night, I felt really good. Oh, and who can forget about the time a couple of us got drunk out back of school between 3rd and 5th period. That was a blast.
2. Show: Fairly Oddparents. Because it is really funny and I watch 5 minutes of it everyday before I go to school because George watches it every morning.
3. CD: I can name a couple. Boy's Night Out - Make Yourself Sick. Brand New - Deja Entendu. Outkast - The Love Below/Speakerboxxx. The Neptunes present Clones. Locious and Scholar (Rich Crawford, from school, and his cousin), this CD is amazing, he really has talent.
4. Movie: Finding Nemo. Pirates of the Carribean.
5. Song: Outkast - Hey Ya. One of the best that I have ever heard.
6. Experience: Late nights with Natalie in Florida.
7. Concert:I would say either AFI or Saves The Day/Taking Back Sunday. Saves The Day covered Outkast's "Hey Ya," and it was amazing. And at both shows I was chilling with Werm and Tubby.
8. Book:The Perks of Being A Wallflower. I'd thank Nick for pointing me in the direction of this book. It changed a few things in my mind. It's tme to read it again.
9. Month: July, the 2 weeks that we were in Florida. Those 2 weeks were amazing.
10. Day:April 19th, the day before my birthday. My parents were having an Easter dinner, and Nick's family was here. I was just so overwhelmed by everything and everyone. It was a surprise party and I didn't see it coming, at all. It made me feel really good because it showed me that certain people really do love me.

Worst of the Year:
1. Party: There is no such thing. I think I only went to one this year. And that was the best one.
2. Show: The New Tom Green Show was pretty bad. Nothing beats the original Tom Green.
3. CD: Can I say Evanescence? Each song I hear from them just puts them in the category of worst band ever.
4. Movie: The Hulk. It was made really good. But it just dragged on too long.
5. Song: Chingy - Right Thurr
6. Experience: Oh you know. The usual break up.
7. Concert: Warped Tour. I missed a lot of the bands that I wanted to see, and it was just a disaster for me. Come on, I came there with people, and I went home by myself.
8. Book: Ragtime.
9. Month: I'd say this month has been pretty bad.
10. Day: When people break up with you usually turn out to be pretty bad.

Hopes for 2004:
1. Predict something that you think will happen in 2004? People will start loving each other.
2. What do you hope changes about your country? That we focus more on the well-being of our own counrty, and imrpove our education, as well as poverty, instead of putting billions of dollars into the reconstruction of a country that we have no part in.
3. What do you hope for yourself? I hope I find true love.
4. What do you hope for your family? I hope my family becomes strong. I hope I don't cause them any more pain than I have already inflicted. I hope the communication between me and the rest of my family gets better.
5. What do you hope for your best friends? I hope they find true happiness. I hope they find better friends than me, because I don't think I do any good for anyone.
6. What do you hope for the rest of your friends? I hope they take care of themselves and do what's best for them. I hope we can become closer friends. No, scratch that. I am a pretty worthless person.
7. Do you think any amazing medical advances will be made? A cure for cancer, maybe?
8. What is your hope for 2004? I hope people start loving themselves a whole lot more. There is definetly too much hate in this world, I'd say.

During 2003:
1. Where were you when it began: In my living room, sipping champagne with my parents, my little brother..I think.
2. Did you stay up: I think I stayed up for a little bit, but I probably went to bed by 3 AM.
3. What was your New Year Wish? I don't think I had one.
how many girlfriends: 2: Janine and Valerie.
4. Broke up: I came out with 1-1+. Something like that. (Break up by me-Break up by someone else)
5. Care to mention names? Once again, Janine and Valerie.
6. New friends: Yes.
7. Name them: Kimmie, Natalie, Scott, Zach, Chris, Keith, Chrissy, Jess, Dan, Nick, Tina, Colleen, Crysta, Brian, Oscar, Hector, Matt. I know I missed a few, but that's all I can think of from the top of my head.
8. Worst place you went to: Mayfair Diner.
9. Happiest moment: The few times that I really felt loved.
10. How was your birthday: It was one of a kind. One of the happiest moments of my life. I explained it already.
11. Best present: Nick's AFI - Sing The Sorrow. Also, my dad's silver and gold watch.

Sunlight shining through my window lets me know that I'm still alive.

2003-12-20T21:39:49Z

I've gotten sick in the past week, for reasons unknown. Maybe because my boss made me clean out the trash room in the pouring rain a week ago, where I developed a nice cough. Then by Thursday, I developed a cold and fever, and had to work yet again. And on Friday, the only time that I stayed home from school because my mom told me to and the only time I call out of work because I am sick and I can barely walk and have a fever and all that good stuff that makes me realize how much I deserve to feel like this, my boss tells me that I can't call out. He tells me that he is already short one person, and that person told me the day before that he was calling out because he doesn't like working Friday's. Working day preference is more important than someone who might have influenza. It made me realize that everyone in the world can go fuck themselves, over and over again.

Tomorrow I have band practice at Zach's house before I go to work, if I'm feeling better. Although I am feeling a little better since I permitted myself to surf the web for a little bit. My first attendance at practice was on Monday. And all I have to say is that it rocked. I enjoyed it greatly. When we were playing, it just felt so good. Maybe because it is my first band and I have always wanted to be in one. But we sound good. The band consists of Zach on lead guitar, Chris on rhythm guitar, Keith on drums, and me on bass. We are still in search of a vocalist. We already have a few songs. Once we do find a vocalist, I am going to invite everyone to come see us at practice, just to check us out because we would need feedback. We don't have a name yet, but we will think of one soon. And all I have to do is remember all the parts that I have to play. So tomorrow is practice, then on Monday we are going to Club HP to see Rekant and Fatal Days.

I wish I could move to New York into Nick's house and go to college there, if it was alright with his parents and my parents. I just need to fill out some applications before it's too late, think of a way to pay for college, and talk with my parents and Nick's parents about everything. I have become friends with Seniors that I never really talked to in the past 3 years. Soon, it will be all over. This is the greatest year in my high school experience. It just feels so great, and it would be too hard to explain because every person is affected differently by what goes on in their lives. Let me just say that I wouldn't have been the person that I am right now, if it weren't for everything that I've gone through, and I am very thankful for that.

Merry Christmas everyone. I hope the holidays bring everyone closer and bring happiness to everyone. Because that is all that the world needs. Happiness and love. I wish you all the best.

As soon as you'r fading, I will grow.

2003-11-10T04:38:28Z

I know. I know. I haven't been the greatest journaler in the world. But what can I do about that. I just never had the time to sit down and write about anything anymore. It kind of makes me sad, that I can't even sit down and relax and just write about anything I want. I'm basically going to summarize many things so that everyone who reads this can be on top of recent news.

Let's begin.

I am single again. After a month with Valerie, I realized that we never hung out. We never spent time together. And when I realized that it wasn't going to work out between us, I had to break up with her. Not that I wanted to, but I had to because I didn't want our relationship to grow empty. And it broke my heart to do it because I knew I was breaking a fragile, young heart. I couldn't even tell her, I tried, but I couldn't find the words. She is so young and I hope I didn't ruin her life. That was the last thing I wanted to do to her. But I'm afraid that I did that to her. And words can't express how sorry I am, because anyone can say "I'm sorry." I learned that many times. I wish I didn't mess her up. I wish I never mess anyone up. I'd rather mess myself up more than anyone else around me. I always did. I have evidence.

I have been working at the Mayfair Diner for like almost 3 months now, and I still hate that job. I got to know some cool people there, but there are some assholes left. It's just 2 or 3 assholes, the rest of the people are cool. Now I work with Tim Wilent from school and I hate it. The kid is a genuine asshole, straight up. He can be cool sometimes, but overall, he acts like an asshole towards me so I don't like him. He acts exactly like this kid Dan that also works there. He reminds me of a bully because he thinks he's tough. I wish I could show him how it's done in Poland.

I am saving up $400 bills to get a bass this weekend from this kid Kid that I met a week ago at John's house. It's an Aria Pro 2 IGB-58 with a midnight blue finish. He is also selling me a Peavey Basic Amp which is 120 watts and a pocket tuner. All for $400 bills. I'd say that is a good deal. Now all I need to do is collect some owed money, and not spend any of my paychecks, and I'm set like a jet. The reason why I am getting a bass is because I suck at playing guitar. I've been playing for 5+ years and I absolutely suck. I want to try something new. And I will join my friend Zach's band. I met him at work. And I will also try to get Werm to sing for us. Because he is the sickest mofo around, ya' hear? I will also want to start a band with Scott because he just bought a new guitar, and we want to start our own band from the ground up, and not join an already existing band. We'll see how everything works out. Hopefully I won't suck at playing bass.

Today is November 9th, 2003. Last year, on the same day, a great event happened. But this year, it was killed by everything. I honestly don't know what went wrong. Today should've been spent with Tim, Gary, and Bill. But somehow that didn't happen. My excuse is that I had work. I don't know what everyone else's reason was. I'm hoping I get to spend time with those 3 people again sometime soon, because whenever I do, I have fun.

Well I am going to end this, and I bet you that you won't see another one of these entries in a long time, if at all. And I'm sorry, I don't think that anyone likes to read my boring entries anyway. So, til next time. Take care of yourselves, and each other. Be safe.

No longer feeling alone..

2003-09-27T16:42:31Z

Since I never have time anymore to update, I've decided to do it now, since I have some spare time. And now more than ever, I have a reason to update. Well just keep reading.

Well school has been shaping up to be very routine, same thing everyday. But I did finally meet someone. Her name is Valerie and she is great. I think she likes me just because I'm a Senior. Why else would someone like me? I have no clue. But it was funny how this all came together because I would've never guessed that she liked me, at all. But one time when I was walking up to get something to eat at McDonald's, she just started talking to me and telling me how hot I was, which I'm not. But a whole bunch of kids went to eat, like Jess, Frunzi, Brian, Hector, Steve "The Voice" Kaufmann, and other people. I only wanted to get a drink because I was running low on cash and while standing in line, she ripped a scab off of my knuckles that I got for always hitting a fence on my way home from work, and she started sucking my blood. But then I was just gushing blood so she got a napkin for me and I almost fainted because of loss of blood. Not really.

That night we talked online, and then last Friday we were supposed to go to the movies, but it was late so we decided to go to the show at Club HP. But on our way there, I finished my AFI collection. Now I own all of the AFI CDs. And you would never guess this, but her favorite band is AFI, too! Isn't that great? Totally! And we have both have the same favorite song, The Last Kiss. I don't know about you, but I think that all these things are really great. So we walked to Club HP from her house and I didn't know that anyone I knew was going to be there. But by the end of the night, I met Weazel, Michelle, Jim, Brandon, Gary, Scott, Nicole (I finally got to meet the great Nicole), Chris Webber, and Bob and Megan from work. I'm hoping I didn't forget anyone. But the show was great, I had a lot of fun. Nothing To Lose and Rekant were really good. During Rekant's pit, I got punched in the face by Bob and I bent my wrist too far back. After that, I had enough of the pit. So now I finally know what I have been missing everytime someone told me to come to a Rekant show at Club HP. Already running late to be home, I walked Valerie home with Weazel. So I asked her out right before she went in because she is just that great and I put my heart in her hands and gave her my complete trust not to poke any holes in it. Because, after all, it has just been filled again, after being so empty for so long. And then I walked home with Weazel, both of us sporting AFI shirts, and it felt good not carrying my heart around anymore, because it was finally in the hands of someone I longed for.

And that date shall be remembered forever. September 19th, 2003, the day the world came together to realize that love does exist, even after everything has been torn apart and destroyed. Even after a man thought that he would never be able to love again. Even after he felt the let-down of everything around him, sucking out all of his will and happiness. Because when all is said and done, do you think you will be able to feel just like him, happy and loved, and finally complete.

All I can say is that good things come with time. And from my experience, the time you have to wait to get there is just so cruel, and you think and do stupid, stupid things because you think the sun will never shine down on you. But it does. And when it does, the feeling is just so overwhelming that nothing else matters except those things that made you happy in life, like friends, family, and love. And I am grateful that I feel this way again. I am hoping that this feeling can last. And it all depends on the person in possession of my heart, because everything and everyone else never cared. And you know that is the truth.

Grasp our hands together,
We feel we are one result.

Do you want to feel what I feel?

2003-09-19T04:17:55Z

when the routine bites hard
and ambitions are low
and the resentment rides high
but emotions won't grow
and we're changing our ways
taking different roads
then love, love will tear us apart again
love, love will tear us apart again

why is the bedroom so cold
turned away on your side
is my timing that flawed
our respect run so dry
yet there's still this appeal
that we've kept through our lives
love, love will tear us apart again
love, love will tear us apart again

do you cry out in your sleep
all my failings expose
get a taste in my mouth
as desperation takes hold
is it something so good
just can't function no more
when love, love will tear us apart again
love, love will tear us apart again
love, love will tear us apart again
love, love will tear us apart again

School and all that jazz.

2003-09-10T22:42:04Z

I just don't feel right today. But what can you do.

School started on Monday and it is pretty cool. It's finally my Senior year and it feels good. It kind of makes me sad though because it is almost over. High school has been fun. Really. I know that I will miss it when it is gone. But it would be better if people actually liked me there. In fact, I was standing outside today and I wasn't in any group of friends like everyone else was. I was just alone. I really sadden myself at times. I really do.

My classes are alright. Social Science with Mr. Rubin is always fun. He makes the greatest jokes because in reality, he is just that damn gangster. I sit near Dan Livezey and Norman Keller which is cool because I have someone to talk to. Pre Calculus is ok. I know that I will be hustling later on in the year because of the work. AP Macroeconomics is really nothing for now. We just do whatever because the class starts on Monday. And it will be hard because it is an AP class, it is online, but I will have to type up reports and send it to the online teacher. Computer Systems class didn't start either because I have no clue why. But now we have a complete gangster group, made up of me, Gary, and Daniel Jackson. But the only real gangsters are Dan and Gary because of his thugged out Guess Jeans and his Nike Airrrr Forrrrce Onnes.

Why am I even writing about school. No one wants to read about school. I know I don't want to read other people's bullshit about school and such. So shut the fuck up Lukas you motherfucking lame-ass gay loser. You deserve to die, you worthless piece of shit. No one cares for you. So just end your misery. Fag.

Fine.

My arm started hurting yesterday out of nowhere. I was sitting in class and I was stretching my arms and I felt a pain in my shoulder. So now, everytime I move my arm, my shoulder hurts as if my bones are tearing into each other. I don't even know why I'm having this pain. Oh well.

I always thought I had friends. Now I wish I was dead. What the fuck happened. You think everything is alright. Well fuck you for thinking so.

I need someone. Anyone. To get my mind straight. Fuck this I hate being alone shit. I'm getting tired of it. Too bad I can't do anything about it. Peace.

Believe me when I say that I love you, angel. Because I do.

2003-09-02T18:38:12Z

I got my roster a few days ago, which signifies the back to school emotion that we all feel. So here is my schedule:

Term 1
1/2 Social Science
3/4 Pre Calculus
5/6 AP Macroeconomics
7 Lunch
8/9 Computer Systems 3

Term 2
1/2 Environmental Science
3/4 English 4
5/6 AP Macroeconomics
7 Lunch
8/9 Computer Systems 3

Fun.? But the pressure will be on because they are all academic classes and with it comes computer class with Grosso AND an AP class.? Plus the Senior project and comunity service.? And work.? Last year was kind of hard for me, so I'm thinking this will be harder.? I'll just have to see. Pray for me, my friends.

But the only good part to this year is that I'm a senior and me and my compadres will be running the school. Yes, we can act tough and act like we're all that because, in fact, we finally are. Especially me and Norman, we will be running 7th lunch like it's nobody's business. We are the 2002 Anthony Hainsworth and Brandon Schlesinger. We are the 2003 Gary Vickery and Nicholas McCorry. We are the 2000 Minh Truong and Joe Hayes. You got beef?

Just so everyone is kept out of the dark, the 3 groups of people that I named are tough. In their own ways. Anthony Hainsworth AKA Tony Tough and Brandon Schlesinger thought that they were cool intimidating me and Gary by doing acrobatics and jumping over lunch tables, as well as the excessive jiggling of their fatness, which mesmerized anyone who came into contact with the phenomenon.

Gary Vickery always stood up to Tony Tough. I never did, but he was always up for making fun of him. He even perfected the art of doing acrobatics and jumping over tables. He always was up for making fun of anything. Nick McCorry, need I explain more? The toughest S.O.B. ever.

Minh Truong is by far the craziest Asian person I have ever met. I haven't hung out with him in a long time. He usually comes over my house during the summer, but I haven't even talked to him this summer. He was always tough. He always tried hooking me up with some hot girls that he knows from school, but it never works. For example: Nicole. And last, Joe Hayes. This kid is Gary's counterpart. I remember when he broke mine and Gary's necks by doing a piledriver on both of us. Now he is banned from most Philadelphia public schools. Go figure.

School starts on Monday, 8th of September, and I can only hope that it is fun. I want this year to be so much fun. I don't want to be moping around. I want to be happy. I hope the things that I do in the next few months make me happy. I think I will enjoy life a lot better if I was happy. I wish. I hope. Maybe if I wasn't alone. Because I don't like being alone, I always am. Oh well, things happen for a reason. Peace out friends. Only if you cared..

My work at the 5th Column has paid off.

2003-08-29T20:46:20Z

So yesterday morning, I wake up early thinking that I have an appointment at Vogue Photography to take my Senior pictures (Cap and Gown, Tux, and all that good stuff), but it turned out that the 29th of August is in fact toay, and not yesterday. So I had to wake up early 2 days in a row because it was my mistake. Darn. I always get dates confused.

Yesterday I got my first paycheck. Before I did that, I stopped by at Edd's house and talked to him for a little bit and chained my bike up in front of his house. I got around 80 dollars. And as soon as I got it, I went to Pat's Music and bought a CD. I am still on my quest to complete my AFI CD collection. Right now I am 4/8. And my selection of the day was The Art of Drowning. Excellent album.

Later on in the day, I went to meet Vanessa up at Blockbuster at Roosevelt Mall because she got a job there. I'm hoping so much that I can work there. I want to work there so bad. Anyway, we went to Strawbridge's and we sat on couches for like an hour and talked. Then Vanessa bought a book at Marlo Books. I will probably buy some books when I have more money. Then we left the mall and I went home.

In other AFI news, AFI won the MTV2 Award at the VMA's. How cool is that? Very cool. I know it's MTV and all, but I'm happy for them because they are actually making it big. I voted for them online like 10 times, so my votes counted! And I honestly don't think they sold out. They just got popular enough for the masses that MTV recognized them, finally. And the first person they thanked was Luke! Maybe they really did thank me for my support and love. I wish. They also thanked the Despair Faction (which I will join when I have some extra cash) and the 5th Column, which I am in. Woo!

Now is the time for my thoughts on selling out. And for this, I could use AFI, but I will use Rancid as an example. Bands never sell out. Sometimes bands are so good that they achieve popularity by themselves. Their audience keeps growing. Record Labels recognize their fame amongst the crowds. And honestly, I think everyone would want to make more money by doing what they love, regardless if you "sell out" by joining a different record label. I'm sure any one of you would join a better record label regardless if it is going to ruin your indie/punk/hardcore reputation. I know I would. And a band doesn' just have one member, it has as many as it wants. So each member has a different opinion on subjects like popular recording labels, and they have a say in what goes on. So it's not like one person decides for the whole band, everyone has a choice. That's why Rancid is still a good band, because a record label doesn't change anything. They are still rockin' and sockin' all of your jaws.

And as far as the changing sound of a band goes, of course a band is going to sound different, why would they want to sound the same on every album? A band is usually made up of 4 basic members: vocals, guitars, bass, drums. It could be more, it could be less, there could be many more different instruments. Well, regardless of anything. A band's music will always change because each person in the band has a different style, each instrument is a different element. They have to put the elements together. And there is no way of determining if a song will be "selling out" because it's not any band members fault. They are just creating sound that is put together and made into a song. You try being a good musician that makes such good music that many people actually love your sound, and then think about what selling out is. Because really, there is no such thing. There is only the listener's opinion. You know what I'm saying?

Sometimes I wish I could explain myself better so people can actually understand what I'm trying to say, because I don't even understand what I wrote. But then again, I am wrong in some cases, and I know that. And after all, this is just my opinion. And opinions also form the standards of selling out. So in the end, we are all wrong. And we will always be wrong. That's the truth.

Well I sure had enough of today's share of online journaling and I think I should stop before I hurt myself attemting more. So, in the words of the late and great Edd Cleary. I'm out like a deaf kid in musical chairs.

My LiveJournal Sitcom
bloodymonkey's son (NBC, 12:30): bloodymonkey (Bette Midler) auditions for a movie starring opposite explodinggirl (Jason Priestley). That night, l3ssthanz3r0 (Jill Hennessy) unknowingly gets high before a meeting with xpinkstars (Topher Grace). Later that day, westboundsign (Jonathan Rhys Meyers) and cowsaysroar (Mila Kunis) try out for a volleyball team. Afterwards, coleloveslp (Andy Kaufman) convinces bloodymonkey (Bette Midler) to learn to speak Tlingit. On the other side of town, blackloki (Robert Carlyle) hits a television set with _supercoco (Carrie Fisher)'s teabag. Craziness ensues.
What's Your LiveJournal Sitcom? (by rfreebern)

My LiveJournal Sitcom

bloodymonkey's son (NBC, 12:30): bloodymonkey (Bette Midler) auditions for a movie starring opposite explodinggirl (Jason Priestley). That night, l3ssthanz3r0 (Jill Hennessy) unknowingly gets high before a meeting with xpinkstars (Topher Grace). Later that day, westboundsign (Jonathan Rhys Meyers) and cowsaysroar (Mila Kunis) try out for a volleyball team. Afterwards, coleloveslp (Andy Kaufman) convinces bloodymonkey (Bette Midler) to learn to speak Tlingit. On the other side of town, blackloki (Robert Carlyle) hits a television set with _supercoco (Carrie Fisher)'s teabag. Craziness ensues.

What's Your LiveJournal Sitcom? (by rfreebern)

THE BEST SITCOM. EVER.

I'm sorry.

2003-08-25T04:19:30Z

I'm sorry for what I last wrote. I'm an asshole that tries getting attention. Just please ignore anything that I say that sounds and looks like I'm trying to get attention, because that's what I want. So I'm sorry for what I wrote. I really do hope everyone is having a good time. I'm happy about that. Just as long as everyone is happy, I'll be happy for you.

I saw Edd Cleary on my way back from work today. I haven't seen him in like a year. So it was cool. I bought water ice for me and him. I got Tangerine and he got Green Apple, but it ran out at the end so he got Mango on Top. Mmm. When we were leaving Alex Tsafos and Mike Hearn from school ran into us. I have met many people since I've been working at Mayfair Diner and walking up and down Frankford Ave. I would tell you about my encounter last week, but maybe another day.

I can actually buy random stuff like water ice and such now since I have some money. I got paid for working 2 hours last Saturday, so I made 9 dollars. And 4 went down the drain for water ice. But I still feel like I own everything with my excessive 9 dollars. I'm working part time, 20 hours a week. So I will be making little money, but yet again, it is some money.

Well, good night. I'm off to take a shower then going to get some sleep because I'm tired. And my brother is already sleeping and I don't want to be an asshole by waking him up. So once again, I'm sorry for being an asshole to eveyone. I wish everyone the best. Good night. Sweet dreams. =].

The Chronicles of a Thug.

2003-08-20T18:40:37Z

You know, this summer is so lifeless compared to my other summers. I mean I did do some fun stuff, like go to Florida and Warped Tour. But there is nothing else. Last summer I had a lot of fun. I was not alone the whole time. Just for like half of the summer. But this summer is a whole different story. Why the fuck would you care anyway. No amount of bitching and whining will bring me love. None. So forget about it.

And there is nothing else for me. I go and hang out at Allen Yard every now and then. But I don't have any true friends there. I mean, I have friends there. But none of them ever knew what is going on inside my mind. Ever. They don't give a shit. They never would. I enjoy hanging out with some of the people that chill there. But what can you do when all they do is drugs and alcohol. I don't want that. In fact, I have attempted this before many times, and I will attempt it many times til the end of my life. But I think I'm going to stop doing the pot for a while.

Of course, this won't last forever. I know that I will smoke every once in a while when there is a meaning to it. Like an old friend or someone that I haven't seen in a while that wants to enjoy a good high with me. Like when good friends of mine join together and start hanging out together every single fucking day, then I will smoke to symbolize a toast to friendship. But until that one day comes, I guess I am going to have to deal with my mind alone.

It's not for anyone. Not for any thing. I just want to do it for myself. Fuck, not even myself. I hate myself more than anything in the world and anything beyond. I would keep on doing it if it was for myself. I just don't want anyone to judge me on my use of marijuana. I want people to judge me by who I am. That's all.

Anyway, I finally got a job. It sucks so much, but at least it's a job. I work at the Mayfair Diner as a busboy. I make minimum wage and I have a lot of work to do. Like, I have to gather the dish boxes and distribute plates and glasses and silverware to their designated places, and wash silverware and plates and glasses (all of which are done by machines, I just have to put them in), and I take care of trash and I have to sweep and clean table bases at the end of each night, and sometimes I will have to do an order sheet and I will have to gather supplies and put them where they belong, which I don't know yet. I'm sure I forgot about some things, but who cares. It might seem like nothing, but I am moving around most of the time. I can't just sit and rest for 5 minutes, I have to keep moving and do those things that I listed above.

And if that isn't bad enough, I work with a bunch of gangsters. And since my hair is blonde right now, they have nothing better to do except call me Eminem and Slim Shady. But I just laugh and smile. Hey, what a coincidence, I do that with everything that happens to me. Haven't you noticed? =]. So yeah, my name is, Pika Pika, Slim Shady. And they also think that I'm Australian for some reason. I'm never telling them that I'm Polish. I have only met 2 non-gangsters at my work, Kev and Ryan. But it's not that bad since I am only going to work 20 hours a week. If anyone decides to come see me, you probably won't see me because I work mostly in the back. I might pop out here and there but don't count on it. Not like anyone is going to see me anyway.

No, I am not trying to look like Eminem. I am just trying to look like Nick Hexum. I just thought that people would find me attractive for once in my life. We all know nothing will work for me to help me with that, but I can still look like Eminem, can't I?

I hope everyone is having the time of their lives. Because I'm not. I hope you fucking choke on it. I wish you the worst. Why should I give a fuck about anyone when no one gives a fuck about me.

It's a joke to have some fun, nothing meant by it.

2003-08-17T06:19:54Z

Hello, my fellow LJ-addicts. I have decided that I will use this journal for a different purpose for now. You can catch the stories of my life over at my DEADJOURNAL. REPRESENT!.

You gotta represent Deadjournal, yo. Sure, there is a generation of LJ'ers that jumped on the boat right away. The "Early-Adopters." That generation is mixed a little with the generation that got their Livejournals for free without a code. The "Free-Users." The "Free Users" generation is also mixed with my generation. The generation of people who followed the trend of online journaling, but were too late to get themselves an LJ account without a code or paying for it, so they got a DEADJOURNAL. And this generation begged their way cooler friends with LJ accounts for an LJ code. And these Moochers (the generation term for people who had a Deadjournal, but begged their cooler friends for an LJ code, i.e. Hippies.) took their place in the LJ ranks as "Free Users."

What I'm really trying to say, is that I can't break away from my roots, I gotta keep it real with Deadjournal, and show mad <3. So if you really care about me and my begging for attention, come right here~~~>AWW SHEEIT!.

But for now, this is the journal..

Of..

BizarroNick.

Details from Warped Tour 2003.

2003-08-10T02:43:17Z

So I finally have something to make an update about. Read if you like. Sorry, I like describing eventful days.

I went to the Warped Tour yesterday at the Tweeter Center in New Jersey. I was going to leave my house at 10 and be on my way right away. The previous night, Michelle called me and said she was going, so in the morning, I left my house at 9:45 to walk to her house. When I got there, me, Vanessa, and Al from Swenson waited while Michelle got ready. Then we walked to Vanessa's house so she could get ready. Being the loser that I am that fucks everything up, when I was sitting down on the sofa, my knee hit the table right in front of me, and a glass bowl full of rocks and a candle shattered on the floor. I felt so bad because I didn't even mean it. It was sitting on the edge of the table. So I cleaned up all the rocks and put them in a cup and cleaned up all the glass to the best of my abiliies. We left and caught the 56 bus to the Erie-Torresdale Terminal. We got on the El and we hit up a poster. Hit up as in tag up with our white skills. Al drew an emo girl crying, how emo of him. I stole Michelle's shades because they were so cool and they made me look like a rockstar. They were purple and had a heart made of diamonds in the bottom-left corner. Stylin' profilin'.

We got off at the 2nd street stop and had to walk to South Street so Vanessa could pick up her check from Blockbuster. Then she cashed it and we were on our way to fucking Warped Tour. The line for the ferry was extra long and it took us about and hour or 2 to get on the ferry. But waiting was pretty entertaining since Al was acting like a jackass and a few other people showed up. The only people that I knew were Ick and Robyn, but some other people came at different times, but I didn't know them. The ferry ride was pretty fast. And the walk towards the Tweeter Center was so spiritually powerful as we all felt the triumph of finally getting across the river. No lies. Maybe it was just me being so fucking disappointed that I FUCKING MISSED THE FUCKING DROPKICK MURPHYS!

So when I stepped into the Tweeter Center, I met a lot of people that I haven't seen in a while. Like Werm, Tubby, Louis, Pini, Rex, Greg (Ick's cousin). It was around 2 and I already missed Poison The Well and Dropkick Murphys. 2 bands that I really wanted to see, especially DKM since I've always wanted to see them. I saw PTW before though. We got to the main stages and saw the end of The Ataris. Then Taking Back Sunday brought down the house. They played a mix of their old and new songs, which I never heard the old songs. But they were good. Me and Vanessa went to look for Michelle and found her 10 minutes later. We went to see Rancid. I always wanted to see them, too. They played some good songs. But we didn't stay for long. The sound was horrible since the bass was really loud and it drowned everything else out. We walked around and sat down while listening to some horrible hardcore band. Then we went to find Al. I saw Me First and the Gimmie Gimmies for a short period of time. Then me and Michelle decided to walk around. I ran into Nicole and Jess from Swenson, and then this girl that I knew from Franklin Mills. We then went around to all the shops and we walked into the hip-hop tent. And would you believe it, it was the same chick that I saw the year before in New York. I didn't know her name last year, but this time they had a board with all the emcee's and the times that they would rock the joint.

Taken from my journal entry about Warped Tour last year:
"then i saw this girl on one of the side stages rapping...forgot her name..."

Her name is Addverse. I am a thug. Fuck what you think.

We went to the Yoo-hoo stand and I got 3 cups of the heavenly substance. We walked around some more. Then I left Michelle with some friends that I didn't know and I went to see Pennywise. They were good. I met Nicole and Jess in the lobby and I just sat with them. It was nice hanging out with them because I always used to talk to Nicole online and I never talked to Jess until now. I like Jess. Nicole used to be there for me whenever I needed to talk. Now I only have a person or 2 to talk to. I am thankful for that, but I wish we still talked. Sorry for acting like an ignorant asshole around you, you are one of the people that I can't show who I really am. Don't hate me, because I'm not a happy person. I only try to show you that I am.

We went to see Simple Plan. ::GAG::. I'm just playing. Then they left and got a ride home. I wandered by myself and stood in one spot in the back during the Mad Caddies. They were really awesome. During their set, the people that were gathered at the next stage started throwing empty bottles in the air. They just kept on throwing the bottles and there was never a time where there were no bottles in the air. It was spectacular, for me. I just got a really good vibe from that. The continuous thrown bottles in the air represented unity and peace to me. People were having fun. Doing whatever. People were together. Sorry for being such a dork.

I proceeded to leave after the Mad Caddies set. I have to give them the title of set of the night. I enjoyed their set more than any other band. I have only heard one song by them before. I wish I felt consumed in the same feeling that I felt during their set right now. So as I left, I declined seeing GlassJAw. I just wanted to go home. I was traveling home alone. I wanted to meet Nicole, who I have been talking to online for a while, but with my luck, it will be eternity til I meet her. What else is new. Nothing else needs to be described.

What a fun day. Sometimes I wonder why everything that I do is alone. I hate being alone.

If I had money I'd buy a new BMX.

2003-08-06T17:22:18Z

are you happy?

My weekend was fun. I hung out with Nick and Kimmie. We spent our weekend by going to South Street and me buying my first Wu-Tang CD, represent, going to Sesame Place, Franklin Mills, and spending our nights busting out mad skills on Tony Hawk. Keep it real gangsters.

i'll decide.

Last night I had extra energy and thoughts in my system. I felt like I needed to let all of them out. So what better way to channel energy than riding my bike, which I haven't done recently. And whenever I ride my bike, I think. So put 2 and 2 together and go figure.

these stories are so old,

I rode all around. Here and there. Everywhere. Not really. Just rode with no sense of direction. Weaving in and out of streets and cars. Making pointless turns to get me to where I already was 5 minutes before. I was just out on the streets with my headphones and thoughts. Actually my bike is pretty new, I got it for my birthday last year. So I don't really want to buy a new one.

how they match your eyes.

My adventures in Florida.

2003-07-31T19:35:14Z

*I am back from Florida. I kept a journal in my notebook where I write stuff whenever something comes to me. It is long, so I suggest not reading it. You will be reading it for at least an hour, so word to the wise, don't read it unless you are really bored.*

July 12
I woke up at 3:30 and followed my brother into his car.? I ate 2 cheese and balogna sandwiches on the way to his work.? His friend Max was already there waiting for me.? We left and we got lost in the first 10 minutes because he missed a turn.? We found our way way to the New Jersey Turnpike and then we knew how to get to New York.? When I got to Nick's house, me and Max woke him up, even though he got 1 hour of sleep.? His eyes were really bloodshot from lack of sleep.? We left at around 9 to go to JFK airport.? At 10:05 we were on our way to board the plane.? I got stopped at the metal detector because of my belt.? We were the last ones to get on the plane.? Me and Nick sat in the 3rd row while his family, everyone except his his older brother, Marek, because he was in Europe, and Natalie, Monica's friend sat in the back.? The 2 and a half hours went by quick.? Watching a Queen concert, a cartoon named "Tomcats," and VH1 Classic videos while drinking a small cup filled with orange juice and eating Mucnhie's party mix was just so time consuming.? We got to Florida and rented a van.? We stopped at Burger King on our way to the house, and when we left, the most impossible thing happened.? It started pouring hard and we saw lightning in a distance.? Our car was struck by lightning, or rather the lightning struck the ground right before we got to that spot, and we drove into it, but we still felt a small explosion-type thing.? Our car went dead and we had to wait an hour and a half for a towtruck with my bad bladder problem.? If we were just a second further, the lightning would have definetly hit us dead center, and who knows what would have happened.? Our towtruck finally showed up and we got a better van.? We drove safely to the house.? Me and Nick made a song about our experience, and it went something like this:

We got struck by lightning
While driving on Route 75
We had to call Alamo
To get the towtruck

And the song just went on and on.? It was never ending.? We kept on adding lyrics as more things happened to us.? I filled in for horrible drums while Nick rocked out on the guitar, the both of us alternating between each verse/line.? It was our shot at superstardom.? The house that we rented was awesome.? His parents got the downstairs apartment while me, Nick, Monica and Natalie got the upstairs apartment.? It was something out of a movie, except that the parents were there.? There was a kitchen, a bathroom, a living room, and a bedroom.? The girls got the bedroom with the queen-sized bed, while me and Nick got the broken pink couch with flowery covers in the living room, but it was all gravy.? We went shopping for food where I took a cart and pushed Nick and his brother Maks around while we got food.? When we got back, me and Nick played our song for a good 10 or 15 minutes and then we went to the pool, which was in the back of the house.? Monica and Natalie joined us.? We had to get out at 10 because that was the pool's curfew.? That was an impressive day one even if all those bad things happened to us (lightning).? The funny thing was that during the time when our car ran into the lightning bolt, there was a song that was playing from the CD that was in the first rental van.? As you will later read, each time that song played, something bad would happen to us unexpectedly.? I don't know what the song is called right now, but the CD that we were listening to was the soundtrack to a movie called "Andre."

July 13
When I awoke from the really bad sleep on the broken pink couch, my family was here and everyone was being annoying and woke me up.? I said "Hi" to my family and most of us went into the pool.? My family left later to check into their hotel room, which is an hour away in St. Petersburg.? We went to the beach, where there was something in the air that none of us could have stopped coughing during our whole time there.? We swam in the ocean with our goggles.? But these waves weren't as hardcore as New York waves.? No way.? These were so small that they could never compare to New York.? New York waves are so hardcore that even when you jump with all your might, half of the time you glide over them barely, while the other times you get bombarded by the crashing giants and barely survive.? By the way, we were living on a little island off of Sarasota called Siesta Key, and the ocean that we were actually swimming in was the Gulf of Mexico.? How cool is that?? So when we finally came back home, which is no further than 2 blocks away from the bach, we got ready and went to dinner at a pizza restaurant that was around the corner and 3 blocks away from our house.? But, we had to drive because the rain was so horrible, and it was raining really hard.? The service was extremely slow, and if we wouldn't have tried to squeeze into a 4 person booth, we would've been waiting for a table for at least an hour.? And one of the waitresses looked very much like Ms. Ridgley, my latest English teacher.? We had 2 pizza's while Nick's dad had food of his own.? He went to get Nick's mom to switch places with him because she was taking care of Maks.? When she came, we were sitting and talking, when suddenly, that strange and eerie played again in the restaurant.? You know, the same song we were listening to during our lightning incident.? We thought the next bad thing that was going to happen was the check, but it wasn't.? We went to 7-11 to buy some stuff.? Nick's mom wanted to buy Natalie cigarettes since she didn't bring her I.D. with her, but the 70-year old cashier refused.? There was a big argument, which Nick's mom should have won.? She was only buying cigarettes for someone under her care who was 20 years old but didn't bring their I.D.? The lady called the cops for no reason and she was even discriminating Nick's mom for being Polish.? The cop wrote Nick's mom up for no reason at all, "for creating a public disturbance."? It was just so unfair.? The pigs have nothing more interesting to do except for writing someone up for not even doing anything wrong.? That shoyuldn't have been blown out of proportion.? She was just trying to buy cigarettes.? So this was the bad thing that happened after hearing that song.? At night, we played a card game called "Spoon," which Nick toaght me and Natalie.? I tried changing it's name to "Spoonie" or Spooney."? Another eventful day passed.? This is what vacation is all about, something out of the ordinary.

July 14 into 15
Hmm...the never-ending day.? It is July 15th, and I am trying to stay awake to write everything that happened to me so far.? We didn't go to sleep during the night (me, Nick, and Natalie), but you will read about that later.? And writing right now is keeping me up, otherwise, I would have fallen asleep by now.? We woke up at around noon and swam in the pool all day.? When everyone got out, me and Nick found some cool ways of jumping onto and over a floating mattress in the pool.? We then went to my family's hotel resort.? It was really nice.? We went to the beach and the 4 youths and my brother, Greg, floated in the calm ocean for a long time.? We decided to go to the pool which was 8 feet deep on one side (our pool was 6 feet deep at one side).? Me, Nick, and Greg dove into the deep end a few times for fun.? Then we went to the Then we went into the hot tub.? We went back to the hotel room, Greg and Nick's dad went to get food while me, Nick, Monica, and Natalie went exploring on the huge resort.? We lost the girls and looked for them, but we finally found them in the hotel room when the food arrived.? We had Wendy's.? We went to sit at the empty bar and ate.? Greg joined us later.? (My ink ran out at this point, so I grabbed one of Nick's pens).? We left my family's resort after a little bit and went back to our place.? Bored and left with nothing to do, me, Nick, and Natalie played "Spoon" while Monica went to sleep early like she has done the rest of the nights in Florida.? We decided to stay up for an extra day.? We went to 7-11 to get some coffee and then went to the beach.? It was so lit-up by the moon.? It was such a nice view.? A bum came to us as we were walking and asked for a cigarette.? He started talking to me and this is what he said:

"I was just making love to a gorgeous brunette with hair down to her waist.? She must have been one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen.? And as I was making love to her, she just disappeared.? One moment she was there, and the next, she went 'Poof!' and disappeared."

And I replied:

"Damn, I hate when that happens..."

We went back home to make coffee but realized that we didn't have sugar.? So we went back to 7-11 for some sugar.? The clerks must have thought that we were really strange people.? Not like nobody thinks that of me anyway.? We came back and made some coffee.? We had deep conversations, and I tried making Natalie realize that she is in a similar relationship as I used to be.? She was giving me advice, which she should listen to as well.? I told her to let go, but I don't think that I could impact someone with my words to do a hard thing like that.? We then realized that the sun would be rising soon and we wanted to go to the beach, but Nick was smart enough to know that the sun would set on the beach and rise behing the trees that blocked our view of the sun from the roof.? We made more coffee and sat on the roof.? We went back inside after a long time of talking and me realizing that people laugh at me for being a weird person and how I act when I unwind after I begin to trust someone because I am shy around new people and it takes time for me to unwind and not worry about anything that I do or say.? So when we went back inside, Natalie fell asleep on the couch first, while Nick foloowed her a half hour later, falling asleep on the floor.? They moved to the queen-sized bed to sleep better with comfort, and I have been writing in this notebook for the past 2 hours trying to remember everything and trying to make everything as close to the facts as possible.? It is still not noon yet, and I feel a decline in energy coming coming real soon.? I already had to wet my face 2 times to stay awake.? I still have a whole day ahead of me.? I have never stayed up for 2 whole days, but I will try to do it today.? I will try my hardest and fight the temptation of sleep.? Writing about the past 3 days helped keep me up for the past 2 hours, and I'm afraid it won't any longer, since that is all that happened.? So I'm guessing I will find out if I am strong enough to stay awake for 2 whole days sooner or later.? I really wish that I wasn't as weird as I am.? I wish I lived my life like other people because I think too much, and that's never a good thing.? Or maybe I've just been awake for too long to realize what is really wrong with me.? I'm sorry.

July 15
So when I stopped writing, I just tried to stay awake.? I had a few cops of coffee.? Nick and Natalie woke up much later, around 12.? At least they got some sleep, unlike me.? I was a zombie for the rest of the day.? I was awake but my mind was gone.? I was not myself.? My family came over and we had a small barbeque party because it was Nick's dad's birthday.? And what a surprise, our dads were getting drunk.? Everyone except for me, Nick, and both of our moms, and of course George and Maks, were taking Tequilla shots.? Everyone went into the pool, but I just sat on the side.? Not much later I went inside and went to sleep.? But I couldn't really fall asleep because people were waking me up and everything.? Later on at night, I got up and chilled for a little bit.? And that was my experience of trying to stay up for 2 days.? And I am never doing it again.? Ever.? It is the worst experience a person can go through.? Well, physically.? It sucks.

July 16
We all woke up at around the same time, maybe noon.? Might I add that Monica was totally not hanging out with us the entire vacation.? She was just doing her own thing since we got to Florida.? Even hanging out with her parents rather than us.? Anyway, the 3 of us just sat in the house.? Later my family came over and they were mad at me that I didn't go to sleep and I was a zombie.? Greg was chilling with us in our apartment.? We played Spoon and hackey sack.? Then we went out with our moms and I bought a new pair of swimming shorts.? We came back and got some pizza.? Or it was the other way around.? We got pizza first, then we walked around and I got my shorts.? When my family left, we all went to the beach to shoot fireworks.? It was nice.? We came back home and were told to go to sleep but we didn't.? Me and Natalie talked for a little bit while Nick talked to Kimmie on the phone.? When we were laying down, I don't know what happened.? Our hands found each other in the dark.? And for however long it was, I felt like someone special.? I felt love.? And I just wanted Natalie to realize that there is hope for her.? She doesn't deserve anything that she has been going through.? That is what I need in my life, but I know it won't be easy to find.? I need that in my life.? I need to know that someone cares about me.? And I need to show that I care about them.

July 17
We woke up around 6. Everyone except for Monica because she wasn't going. She was not trying to hang out with us at all. I had 2 hours of sleep. We went to Universal Studios and Islands of Adventure. The whole day was so much fun. The whole 10 or some hours. Universal Studios just had movies that let you experience the action. Shrek 4-D was awesome. Islands of Adventure had all the rides and roller coasters, including the Hulk, which was so awesome. I was surprised that I actually went on the rides because I usually don't because I am too afraid. My family came as well, but most of the time, I was with Nick, Natalie, and Nick's dad. We left at around 11:30 and got home at around 1:30. I realized things and I went to sleep.

July 18
We all woke up around 2. We went to the bach and went snorkeling. We saw some fish and whatnot. When we got back, we went into the pool and Monica and Natalie made up. We ate dinner at the poolside. Then we rode down to downtown Sarasota, St. Armand's Key, which is a rich neighborhood. We walked into some stores and then we had ice cream. Maks was rocking it hard to the soothing sounds of James Brown. We took pictures, including a picture with a famous monkey from Hollywood named Rufus...?...don't ask me. When we got home, me, Natalie, and Monica got drunk and me and Natalie smoked a blunt of dry banana strings from the inside of the peels which is said to contain THC. Drunk people are funny.

July 19
We got up real late and went to the Pier which is in St. Petersburg or near it. There were some cool stores and an aquarium which had Nemo, Marlin, and Dori from Finding Nemo. There was a really cool candle shop with lots of nifty designs. Nick, Natalie, and Monica each bought one. We also fed pelicans.

"Look! There's a dog on the boat!" Nick exclaimed.

On our way back to, we got Greg from my family's hotel room to come with us. We went back and ate dinner. Everyone took Tequilla shots except for Nick. Me, Nick, and Natalie went to the beach. Nick took pictures of cool stuff while me and Natalie smoked a blunt of dry banana peels. I don't think we did it right because we didn't let it dry long enough or something. Yes, I know, we are pathetic. Very pathetic. WHen Nick, Greg, and Monica went to 7-11, me and Natalie went on the roof and talked. It was just the 2 of us alone on the roof. We held each opther and she kissed me. It was amazing. She is the best kisser I have ever kissed. But everything was just so amazing being with her. After a while we went to find Nick because he went looking for us. When we found him, he wasn't wearing a shirt, had his red bandana on his forehead, and was carrying around a big palm tree branch. We went to 7-11 and went back to the house. I guess we went to sleep because everything was boring.

July 20
We went to the bach as soon as we woke up. We rented 3 kayaks and we kayaked for an hour. We then ate dinner and went to the movies to watch "Pirates of the Carribean." It was an awesome movie because pirates are totally awesome and cool. We were hooked for the past few days on Weezer - Photograph. We just couldn't stop singing it. We got home and just chilled at the pool with Nick and Natalie. We walked to 7-11 to buy cigarettes and then watched TV. Me and Natalie talked on our porch/deck until it was really late.

July 21
We left for Orlando at around 9. We went to Universal Studios and Islands of Adventure for a 2nd day. It was really fun going for the second time since we knew where to go and what rides were fun. It rained a little bit but we ate and went to the Spiderman ride during the rain. You should have seen my pose on the Men In Black 2 Alien Attack ride. I had my hat sideways and my gun in one hand while my other hand gave the camera a thumbs-up. You should've been there to see it. It was cool. We came back and watched TV until 4. Overnight, our neighbors had a robber in the house but they scared him off. Nick's parents thought that I was on the roof during the night. I wasn't, I was watching TV the whole night.

July 22
We woke up around 2, which was our regular wake-up time. We were at the pool for a long time pushing each other into the water. In the evening, we went to the closest mall and walked around. I wanted to buy some shades the entire vacation but I couldn't find yellow lenses. Instead, I bought a cabbie hat that I wanted for a long time. When we came back, we went to shoot fireworks on the bach. After we were done, a cop came and could have arrested us because it is illegal to shoot fireworks in Florida. It is legal to sell, buy, and posses fireworks, but it is illegal to shoot them. We didn't know that. He let us go and we were lucky that he didn't see us lighting any. We went back home and watched TV. When everyone was sleeping, me and natalie had an intimate moment laying down on the mattress right next to Nick. We went to sleep really late.

July 23
As usual, we were at the pool for quite a while. I like the pool better than the beach. The beach doesn't even have the hardcore New York waves. I mean come on, what good is a beach without waves like that. In the evening, we went to St. Armand's Key. We walked around and went into some stores with very creative and expensive things. Being the poor Polish loser that I am, I didn't get anything. When we got home, we played Spoon. It was the first time that Monica played with us. Me and Natalie layed together at night when everyone was asleep. No one knew about us being together. We tried to keep it a secret. But I think Nick had a slight clue about it since he awoke from his sleep to find us talking to each other. I know that it may seem crazy. I know that people won't believe me that I hooked up with a beautiful blonde 20 year old like Natalie and spent amazing nights with her. She is the most amazing person that I have ever met. She is so nice and understands so manyt hings about life. These past 2 weeks she gave me some of the best advice that I have ever heard. I just wish we lived closer and that something could happen with us. Because as of now, I have feelings for her for being such an amzing person.

July 24
Today, we went to my family's hotel room. Me and Nick went to the pool while everyone else went to the beach or something. We just kept on diving into the 8 foot end of the pool. We then went to the beach to gather everyone, and we went back to the pool. Then me, Nick, Natalie, Monica, and Nick's mom went to the Salvador Dali Museum. It was so awesome. The guy is/was a genius. His artwork actually made me think. I was never really into art. But I really like his artwork. I think I will be a die-hard hardcore fan of his. We came back to my parent's room and I found out that I won't be staying in New York for a week because my dad is picking me up 2 days after we come back to New York. Greg told me something after I read George's cool letter about how much I suck. Yeah, I knew that already. So I went to sit by myself outside on a bench. Soon, I was joined by Nick and Natalie. We took pictures and tagged up on a bench and a wall. We went back to the room to find our dads really drunk. Then we left to come back home. Nick's dad fell asleep on our floor and it was a blast trying to get him up to go to his apartment. Me and Natalie layed together at night. Nick woke up later on to the sounds of Good Charlotte on the TV. Then we went to sleep.

July 25
We spent our last day by relaxing. In the afternoon, my family came and we went into the pool. It was my mother's birthday. She was 46. We had a very tasty ice cream cake that I enjoyed. Before the small party, we all went to the beach to see the sunset. I was in Florida for 2 weeks and I haven't seen the sunset until the last day. Everyone took pictures and all. I can't wait till Nick sends me some pictures that he took. I wish I had a camera as well. I really want some pictures to remember all of my experiences. At night, me and Natalie showed each other affection. She is an amazing person. I will miss her. I wish we lived closer so that something can happen bewteen us. Hopefully in the future, something can happen.

July 26
I woke up after 8 to Dexter's Laboratory on the TV. We sort of had to rush to clean everything up and pack up the van. We went to my family's hotel. Then we went tanning on the beach. We didn't stay for long and just went to the pool. At 2, we drove to the airport. The airplane ride was OK. There was a turbulence that lasted a few seconds. But it was kind of scary. We were picked up at the airport by Monica's girlfriend Fernando/Angel, Kimmie, and her friend Kimmie. We all squeezed into the van. We hung out at Nick's house till 12:30 and then me and Nick walked the 2 Kimmies home. Me and Kimmie talked for a long time while Nick and Kimmie were in another room. I thought we were just walking them and not staying there. Natalie called us at 3 in the morning and she was mad at us. I couldn't do anything. She picked us up and went back to Nick's house. Me and Natalie watched a special on TV about sucicde, and we talked.

July 27
Nick woke me up and told me we were going to the city with the Kimmies. We went over Kmmie's house but after a while, I went home because I didn't feel like going. I just sat online and talked to people until the evening. Then Natalie picked me up and we went to Pizzeria Uno. We ate and talked about what we were going to do. I think we decided on just being friends, which sucks. It would be too hard for the both of us to be together where a distance so far seperated us. We came back and I played Tony Hawk in the basement. I fell asleep at around 1 after being in the basement alone watching TV for a few hours.

July 28
I woke up at around noon and me, Nick, and the Kimmies went to Applebee's because it was Kimmie's birthday. Happy Birthday Kimmie! Then we had to go back to Nick's house because my dad was going to pick me up. Within a half hour, my dad came with my uncle and we drove back to Philly.

The End

I've been back in Philly for 3 days. I chilled with some people. I missed everyone. If anyone is near Mayfair or Frankford and knows where the Devon is, go behind it. And look at the tag that is furthest right in white spray paint. I don't know if it is still there. But that's me. Well we still have 1 more month of no school. I will try to get a job somewhere because I need money so I can get my license and start driving my car. I hope I get o hang out with a lot more people before summer is over. Get in touch with me if you want to cheeill. Keep it real.

I wish I was hardcore and blew your fucking mind!

2003-06-29T16:46:03Z

Sorry for not using my LJ too much. It is really hard to write about anything when nothing goes on in your life and all you do is stay in your room. I thought Summer was going to be a little bit more interesting than this. But wait, the vacation down in Florida with Hardcore Nick is in 2 weeks. I really can't wait for that, it will be a nice break from the boredom of Philly.

I hope to get better at DDR somehow so I can show off my skills at the arcades in Florida. I need to practice. Teach me, master. Teach me the way to enlightenment.

Today, I am going to the Anti-Flag show at The Trocadero. Alone. It's no big surprise because I go alone to almost all the shows. And it kind of sucks because I just stand there by myself and I feel uncomfortable singing along and going into the pit. If I had at least one friend to go with me to every show, I would have more fun. Totally. The other bands are A Static Lullaby, Darkest Hour, Tabula Rasa, and The Vacancy. I've never heard any of them. But it is always good to check out bands that you've never heard. But yet again, it sucks going to a show alone.

I try not to get into what is bothering me on this journal. But yet, I want to express how I feel somehow, since none of my friends really listen or understand. Well, I love/loved (I don't know anymore) this girl named Janine. We were together on and off since November, 2001. We went out about 6 or 7 times. Each time we would go out for a maximum time of 2 months. Each time, she would break up with me. Each time she would come after me again. And in between each of our break-ups and our get back together fiascos, she would go out with someone new, including my good friend Gary.

So this last time we went back out together, right before me, she went out with Gary (their 2nd time). So I thought about it, and realized how sick and fucked up she is to go out with my friend, but I took her back because I loved her. So a week later, she stopped returning my phone calls (big surprise since she always did that right before she roke up with me). I left her a message that if she wants to be with me, to call me back, and she never did.

But wait, here's the good part. My good friend Gary told me that he would never go after her again because he doesn't want the drama and whatnot. A day later I go hang out with him and a few other friends at the mall, and looky looky what do I see, a fucking hickey on his neck. He got it from Janine. And I just wanted to either hit or spit right in his face. But I am a peaceful guy. The only person that I hate or want to hurt is me, no one else. So I take this pain which those 2 people lay on me, and I bury it.

I don't understand women. Not all women, just one. So maybe someone can shed some light on why she does this to me because I don't understand. She breaks up with me countless times. Each time making me feel worse and worse about myself leading me to do things. And now, she goes out/gets with Gary, who is, rather was, a good friend of mine. How can someone be so fucking evil. Can anyone tell me? I mean imagine this: You go hang out with your good friend, and he/she has a hickey from your ex-girl/boyfriend that you love. Imagine how much that hurts.

She already broke my heart many times. Stabbed it, even, countless times. Why does she have to put my heart into a blender and set it on 'liquify?'

Sorry. I usually rant about these kinds of things. Ignore them if you want to, they are usually really stupid. Don't mind them.

I used to live in Queens, yo! First in Elmhurts on Ankener Ave. I went to P.S.102. Nick went there, too. Then I went to I.S.73. Then I moved to Maspeth and lived on 58th Ave. I went to I.S.73 for 6th and 7th grade. For 8th, I moved to Philly and whatnot. But it would be nice to meet some people that I went to school with when I lived in New York Citay. Maybe if you know someone that went to those 2 schools, ask them if they know me. I was the quiet kid that everybody made fun of. So if you know anyone that went to P.S.102 from 1992 to 1997 and I.S.73 from 1997 to 2000, ask them if they knew a loser named Lukas. Thanks.

Never trust ANYONE from Philly. Not even me. We are all scum. We have no respect.

bloodymonkey @ 2003-06-23T13:19:00

2003-06-23T17:23:11Z

Thank you for everything. For the Livejournal account. For the smooth hand-off. For the creative username. For the hardcore layout. And everything else that came with it. You spoil me. Thank you.

Well what better way to start off with then by describing myself and stuff. I have a deadjournal that I wrote in since February, 2002. So if you want tales of broken hearts, the usual stupid experiments of a stupid teenager, and attempts of trying to make you feel bad for me by acting depressed, head on over to My Deadjournal. Enjoy.

Well my name is Lukasz Milcarz. Or Look-Ass as Nick, or shall I say, Miki, calls me. I'm more used to using Miki because I knew him since 2nd grade, and everyone used to call him Miki back then. Then after we left elementary school to go to Junior High, I guess he got too cool and hardcore for Miki, so he dropped it and became known as Nick. I still like using Miki better.

But yeah, you can call me whatever. I have seen many variations of my name. Ranging from Luke to Look-Ass, to Ass-Luke, to L(uke)-Diddy, to L-Dub, to L/Luke-(Whatever you can come up with). So have fun creating unique names.

Anyway, I live in Philly. Northeast Philly, that is. And it is really boring here. It's not really the city. And I rarely go down to the city, to South Street, which is like the Village in NYC. And I go to shows sometimes, whenever and if I have the money. But when I do, I go alone because none of my friends and acquaintances go with me. So yes, I am a lonely guy.

I listen to pretty much everything. If you've got something for me to listen to, I'll be glad to listen. My favorite band is AFI. You will learn that from my notorious ramblings about them. You can check the other bands out in my interests, which range from hip-hop, punk, ska, classic rock, metal, reggae, whatever, it doesn't matter to me unless it sounds good. And I might not look as someone from a certain scene, I wear whatever is comfortable, so I might come off as a mainstream poser. But yet again, I am a poser since I listen to whatever sounds good to me.

And that's all that I am going to say about myself for now. I hope whoever reads this can become a friend of mine. And once again, if you want to read more about my life in the past, head on over to my Deadjournal.

Once again, thanks Miki. Happy ten-month anniversary, I am so happy for you that you found someone that you love. We all search for that true love but fail many times in the journey of life. You're one of the lucky ones that suceeded. Good job.

Keep it real, everybody. I hope I get to know you all.

bloodymonkey @ 2003-06-22T00:49:00

2003-06-22T04:50:48Z

Dear Luke,
Good luck with livejournal. Rock on.

Dear Reader,
This is Lukasz Milcarz's livejournal. He is the most hardcore kid I know. He will fucking blow your mind!

--cowsaysroar signing out